Eclipsing

Welp, my next two classes begin this week. I exit UNIV103 with an ‘A’; with intentions to gain the same in the forthcoming courses. I’m ready and focused.

I think I need to mention while it’s on my mind that I hate living in an apartment. I had a home for a little bit (previous marriage). In the end, I would still want the home and subtract that marriage. Whenever I go to pick up my daughter for the weekend, I miss the old neighborhood and the home itself — then I get to talking to the ex-wife and realize I’m still better off now.

The core problem I’m discovering these days: I am better in control of all things. If I am not controlling situations, things fail. My ex was infinitely controlling of her time, finances and ideology; intending to bleed them into my life as well as be her ongoing babysitter to her daughter (from a previous relationship). I sloppily fought for my on version of the marriage and it failed. It goes to show my ‘team work’ methods are shitty. All I see is one person calling it teamwork when it’s really their values, their ideas, their concepts, their way of living or I’m not a team player. 

I’ll have a home again. It’s inevitable.

Meanwhile, the path to get a home is still on track: academically improving. I can’t and won’t include Walmart in that scheme of things. Considering the highly political atmosphere of people forcing you to depend on their ‘yay’ or ‘nay’ for advancement … or should I say “be a team player by their point of view”, the outlook of me getting to assistant manager is decaying daily.

I’m not giving up. Sometimes, like today, it’s just weary to go into a job where I have to play the chess game toward success. My resume and previous experience should have given me more than I have. I resent that a bit. My choice though to come in as an hourly; to get inside. Now that I’m inside, it’s what I had to do to get more; do more. If I were white, this wouldn’t be a topic of discussion.

A few things to note for today: A) There is an eclipse today. Should be able to see it around 1pm to 5pm. B) The reason I brought up apartments was because I wanted to get on the treadmill but couldnt because the doors were locked. I want my own home so I can workout on my schedule not the schedule of a place I’m paying $1000 a month.

There’s also a ‘C’. I’m working on something I can’t share here. A side project, but worthy one. Kind of in harmony with my eventual law career. From a different perspective. I’m just mentioning it as a time stamp. If I stay on course as I am with college, it’ll be fully functional by next summer.

That’s what everything lately: not about the apartment I’m living at. Not about my previously failed marriages. Not about Walmart. I’m redesigning what comes next and not looking to dependent on other things for my success.