I had a conversation with a guy at the job the other week. He was pointing out women that walked into the store; checking them out. That sort of thing.
He wanted to know what I thought of one or two of them. I mentioned, “these days I just keep my head down and focus on the work.”.
He didn’t believe me and proceeded to assume I must have someone else aside from my wife.
Fact was, he was referring to an older version of ‘me’. A version of ‘me’ that would have been playing around and feeding into the ‘players’ role. Odd role for a guy that didn’t like people. ‘People’ I can’t stand. But I can love pussy for days.
These days, I don’t recognize that man. I can’t imagine the exhaustive work to put in to pursue a “side chick” just for fucking. I just don’t have the time or energy anymore. Sure, women will always look amazing. Just are they worth it? Hell, they were NEVER worth it in comparison to personal and financial growth.
Before I get into some sort of misogynistic rant, I’ll just leave it there. My self-improvement desires are killing off an old frame of mind.
Still, remnants of the old me still exist. Mostly financial issues. Child support issues. Credit issues. All these things I’m slowly trying to chip at and repair. Personally, I think I’ll be dead before the child support arrears will ever catch up.
Sigh.
I wish I can go back in time and show myself what I found now. I would probably have rejected ‘myself’ in favor of pussy.
Goddamn pussy.
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