Empty

February 24th 2018

Not a good day. It’s been ramping up for a few days. Actually since Wednesday. My daughter was staying with me for a few days. She’s going home today. While she was here, i feel I was of little purpose to her. Barely any interaction. I was busy lost in bad thoughts, anger and feeling miserable about the artwork I’ve been working on. I just don’t like anything I draw.

Then it rolled into how much I just fail at things and hating myself and her I am.I don’t like being in this mood. Thoughts of suicide persist and it would be a hell of a lot better than living this worthless life of failure to myself and my children.

But I got to take my daughter home first. I didn’t try that drinking solution since she was here. Once I drop her off, I’ll try drinking that Sangria still left in the fridge and maybe … just maybe… the idea of drinking will get me out of this endless, repetitive depression and self-hate.

Taking stock of everything: I know I haven’t gotten anywhere in life because I hate everything I am and everything I do. So, nothing gets finished. In my head, everything I do is shit so why finish it. Especially when I proof my work is shit by the little value anyone else places on my things. Of course, I have little value of my work. So on and so forth.

I hope tomorrow is a better day than this. I hope the next life is better than this one.