August 14th, 2018
I started new classes. With College Algebra behind me with a resounding “F”, I’m happy to report I got my first “A” in the current computer class for a paper I submitted. My work is going in on time, I feel good and life is back to normal.
That doesn’t mean I’m entirely safe. I was told the Algebra class would be coming back around soon so I have some choices: hire someone to do my work or actually “do” the math. At this time, there will be no way I can do it, but … but ….I am willing to start from scratch and learn Algebra while I have the time. Like from ground zero. Khan Academy has free lessons and I started with basic algebra. I think the class will come back around in September so I have a month to get my shit together.
I don’t want to cheat and hire anyone. Aside from the fact that I can’t afford it, I want to be successful by my own hand. Honestly.
So, I’m scheduling my life to make sure I’m doing more studying in that area.
Still haven’t found work yet, but truth be told, I feel like I’ve been through a raging storm lately mentally and it’s finally clearing up. I cut off watching the news again, so that’s been helpful. I’m telling you: there’s something going on and it wasn’t just affecting me. When last checked the news, it’s not just me. People are doing some crazy shit out there and I refused to either be part of it, kill myself or others. Considering I have been a suicidal mess, and I had every opportunity to end my own life, I made the decision not to and still feel good about it.
Which brings me to those Nootropic meds.
What I haven’t mentioned is I stopped taking them for a few days. About the only ones I’ve taken was the L-Theanine to help me sleep.
Why?
Because after the first doses — maybe after the third day of taking them — not only did they stop being effective, but I was focusing improperly on the wrong things. Evil thoughts that returned to the prospect of my dying and or killing others. It was a dark mood. Now, it was the end of the month so, like I observed, that ‘cycle’ was right on time and the pills did nothing but ENHANCE that darkness.
Not good.
So, I’ve been a few days (actually a week now) and the air has been clear.
But this is the beginning/mid month. Check back how I feel toward the end of the month.
I’m looking into the reality that it’s about the foods I do or don’t eat. A side note to that is I’ve decided to stop eating any and all McDonalds foods. By the end of August, it will be the first month I have not eaten any measure of the stuff because I usually get a quick meal at least once or twice a month at some point.
I can’t say for sure, but I suspect that my mood warps usually right after I eat from there and my body cycles out the material that creates those dark patches I usually get. Not a scientific result, but did a mental check last month between the last time I ate from there, when my mood went dark and how long since I stopped eating it till now. It doesn’t look good for McDonalds at all if I’m right.
Also highlights that I eat from there too much.
Here’s an article that reflects a little bit about what I’m saying:
myJournal 