Exit Clock Started

November 21st 2017

I lost semi-control today. All indications point toward an eventual breakdown if I don’t tighten things up.

The job is very stressful. Much more stressful than I remember it being. Maybe it’s because there’s a host of female management in the store—maybe it’s because I’m a different person than I was back 15 years or so. Wow. 19 years since I was I first started with Walmart and left the company?

Yeah, I am different. We acknowledged that I am not that same person. Not by a long shot.

Still, working for women is like working for an erratic, sinking boat: no matter what’s happening, make sure the boat looks pretty. But we’re fucking sinking.

I snapped at the store manager over the radio today so, naturally, that was addressed. I was wrong… I know that. Second time I snapped at these fools, really. Look back at the Santa Claus entry.

So, they sat me down and wanted to know what’s wrong. Why do I ‘spazz out’ every once and awhile? Their words, not mine.

Spazz out.

Heavy sigh.

What am I doing here? In Walmart. All I kept thinking when she spoke about a whole bunch of bullshit on leadership, respect, etc.

Somewhere in her speech, I told her I declined the ‘future leadership’ position. I think that was for the best, really. I don’t want to be an assistant manager. I don’t want to work with retail or these people for longer than it takes to get this degree and get the fuck out.

I almost quit today.

Bad as it is, I ‘told’ my direct manager that I was leaving. I had 30 or so minutes left before my shift ended, but I told him I had to go—like right now. I could not be in this store after I made my apologies for snapping as I did.

I was frustrated. As I’m sure everyone else is. I speak my mind. Probably not the best thing I should do. But I hate being kept silent on things that must be said.

So, I came home and slept for an hour and a half. Took a shower. Prayed. Yeah, I do that. It’s a part of my life that actually works — with evidence. Odd thing is, I often pray to say the right things at the right times and for God to guide my words.

Is that what happened today? Were things that needed to be said — said?

Well, in the end, all I feel is stupid, ashamed, and opened myself up to potential write-ups.

They asked why I was frustrated. I tell them I am called all day to do various tasks—a hundred things pulling me in different directions— and in response, the store manager tried to belittle how I felt by trying to check-off each task and wondering where my priority are.

When some of ‘their’ priorities are ‘making the ship look pretty’ while the ship is sinking.

While my departments have bigger priorities than what they want. Or if I’m asked to do a task by another manager, they expect me to nix him and make sure their shit is taken care of. Who am I to say no to management? I could spend the whole day saying one manager has me doing something else and I can’t do what you need.

So I’m sitting here looking at my bottle of Lexapro. It’s an old prescription; I stopped taking it maybe a year ago, with an occasional one if I feel a lot of anxiety. Like now.

Stuff makes me nauseous. Then I’m a zombie only to eventually level out a month or so later. No desire to do anything. No passion. It kills creative energy.

When I was writing, this stuff was NOT recommended so I stopped taking it.

I’m not writing these days, so whats the excuse. Might even help me get through my school work.

I know this much: I’m sick of moving from job to job. I’m in here…Im not fired. I didn’t quit. I can still make something of this Walmart experience.

The problem is I showed them my unstable hand. My anger. Oh yes, I am angry. But I showed them it. That I reach tipping points easy. declining the future leaders shit probably didn’t help either.

Still, It’s for the best. I know it is. I feel it is.

At the end of the discussion, they suddenly had all these people they can send over my department to help me. Suddenly, after months of asking for more help, seeing my frustration, the availability of more associates in a department that needs more people during the Christmas season, will be obliged. I told them, “It’s sad that it had to come to this for me to get more associates.”

And that right there is what I am feeling. I had to near blow up for them to make changes. We’ll see how those changes play out. We shall see.

But I’m not going to lose my mind just to get my job done. This management are fools and I’m sick of them. They drew out my anger — my fault, but now I see how far they will push souls before they do something smart. Or at least ‘say’ they will do something smart.

So maybe I did say what needed to be said:

“I officially decline future leadership. I do not want to be an assistant manager.”

It stunned them but so what.

What it did was officially start my exit clock with the company. I’ll still do my best with the departments I have but — you know what — I already said it here in this journal: long enough to til getting the bachelors degree.

What I really need is a new plan.

And a new prescription.

Grade issues

November 15th 2017

I’m mad. I got a B- on a Discussion Board project. I don’t agree with it and I already shot an email out to the instructor.

According to the feedback, it said I did not participate with in the discussion during the week. But I did. I always do and I do it on time.

So, I sent her an email, addressing each date and time I responded, substantially I might add, to the other classmates and asked her what’s going on. Currently waiting for a response.

What’s interesting to note is my current fury. I feel I got robbed as I’m looking for perfection in my grades. Considering I’m working my ass off to go to work at this ridiculous job and attempt to do this school work with my eyes open when I’m dead tired most nights: the fuck right I’m going to challenge fucked up grades.

I want perfection. I’ll know if I don’t deserve it.

It got me thinking also: here I am at the mercy of someone else. You play by the rules, try to decipher what is explained to you and do what you’re supposed to do and you got to beg for what you want. It’s done at work…and here I am doing it at school.

You can say: that’s how it is, You have to fight for the things you want.

I say: Fuck people. Why do they make your life difficult? These are the micro-reasons that just keep building and building why I can’t stand interacting with anyone. Yes, yes, yes…I know I have to, but look at the shit I have to deal with?

In regards to this grade, it could be a mistake and by sending an email, I’m addressing it and maybe it will be okay and fixed. If it’s not, we take it up a notch because I’m going to dispute it depending on the answer.

At work, you are given a department to manage but upper management feels they want to micro-manage everything you do: place a box here…they don’t like it … move the box. At what point will you truly manage your department? You can’t. Walmart has this thing now called “One Best Way”: streamlining how all Walmart’s need to operate and be ONE way.

So, this White guy is a regional and everyone is jumping around to respond to how he wants things. No one…NOT ONE PERSON … is responding to how the customers want things. Things they don’t ask but if you work the neighborhood, you know what works and doesn’t work for the demographics. Instead, they all jump around to do things that meet the regional expectations and he isn’t even from the neighborhood. He’s not even the demographic!!! We have shit at the store that won’t sell because no one in the neighborhood will buy it. Still, we have to do it the Walmart One Best Way. One Best Way assumes all the customers are One Way. Fuck is that about?

So what am I managing? Nothing. I’ve disconnected long ago. I’m where I need to be for school but I’m still not firm about being an assistant manager.

As for school, I’m getting back to it. I’ve known since I started these new classes, the devil is in the details. I have to tighten up a few things. I get that.

But, with this grade…a goddamn B-????? The FUCK is that. Fuck no. Unacceptable.

Stay tuned.

Additional Note: (2 hours later): Still no response but I just had to add … this grade really pisses me off. If I’m not working hard now, than what does that say for the years upon years I thought I was working hard before? At what point can I be in control of the things I do with an outcome that is commensurate to the amount of effort and hard work I put into it? Once again, I subject to what others have to say and I can’t stand it. I went through this with my attempts at film. My novels. Is there anything I can do, that I work hard at, that won’t fail? Or fail to get recognized?

This grade and her feedback is like how I never really got any reviews for my work. I’m like a fucking ghost to the industry. Sure, people like the work when they find it…if they find it. But i’m invisible. I’m thinking this instructor probably missed my work and forgot to add the grade…which doesn’t make sense since she graded the other portions of it.

Fucking people. I swear to God. I SWEAR TO GOD … I will plan a way to be free of dealing with people.

Am I overreacting? Probably.

But I deserve fucking better.

Update: 11/17/2017 – The grade was upgraded to an ‘A’. She says it was becomes of technical problems that didn’t allow her to see the responses. So, what the fuck are you grading if you can’t see the work? Stupid bitch.

Do you see why I hate being at the mercy of people? I’ll find a better way.

Coming Crescendo

November 13th 2017

There is something building in the horizon.

Remember how I said I needed to join the Toastmasters in order to present myself better moving forward into law? And you know how I never went to a meeting since?

Recently, I’ve been rumored to be part of this future advancement leadership program that leads toward Assistant Manager. I say ‘rumored’ because I haven’t heard much about it since it was offered.

A young woman that is in the program was nice to give me some details to prepare for the next meeting from an email I never received: read a book about how some guy in a submarine survived against all odds, create an elevator speech, etc, etc.

Come to find out, most of the stuff they are requiring me to know are the same things I should be studying in—guess what?—- toastmasters.

Also, I have this class—Presentations 111. All about speeches and knowing how to speak in front of crowds.

You see where I’m going, right?

I got to get my ass back into Toastmasters and clamp down my people-problem quick fast and in a hurry.

Cause something is coming and the tools are being laid out in front of me. I need to wake the fuck up and start taking it in.

Even if being in retail is NOT my end goal, I need to ride the tide and study harder. Learning how to present myself is an essential skill.

Well, better yet, I need to deal with this “I hate being around people” thing with actual earnest if I plan to get anywhere.

The Death of Retail Approaches

November 12th 2017

It’s been a good week. The new classes began: English Composition and Presentations. My work is caught up and I ended that dreadful criminal justice intro with an A. The percentage was a little low but I’ll take it and be satisfied; maintaining 4.0 status and hopefully going into another dean’s list.

I’m also in this non-credited class called “Career Management”. I’m not 100% sure what I’m going to get out of this but going in, I don’t want my resume to look like a jigsaw puzzle of random jobs anymore. If I’m going into law, I can’t have Macy’s, Walmart, Target, Delta, that factory, security positions, etc, etc. I’m hoping this class will help me manage a new career.

Just in time, too. If I take a step back and look at my work at Walmart, I have to say I’m doing a fair job without the help I need. Still not enough workable associates to work with. Heading into Christmas season and keeping the ship afloat just barely everyday. I want to rant about the constant Walmart issues and customers. I won’t. AS testament that I’m moving past this shit and into important things—above and beyond, remember? Walmart will never, ever change. Been to three-four different Walmart’s in my lifetime and the problems are exactly the same.

Me, however—-I’m in the middle of an evolution.

I’m casting this random employment life away; killing off the ‘need to be where I’m at’ and replacing it with ‘I’m at where I want to be’. A real career.

Sadly, I still regret not achieving the author, animator, filmmaker career I wanted.

But recently I discovered it’s okay. I can still achieve it after I get the bachelor’s degree and go back to school to study animation/film-making/etc and have the money to do so. Even more, have the mental ability to do so.

During the career management class, we were to write about where we are in our lives. I commented that I feel I am retaining information better these days than I did when I was younger. I mentioned it was a cosmic joke that I’m 49 years old and I’m remembering everything clearly than ever before when I could have used it growing up.

That said…my birthday was recently (November 7th). It’s been common practice that I don’t celebrate my birthday.

I feel good. I look good. I’m doing better things — on my terms — than ever before. Not the terms of someone I married. Not the terms forced on me. All MY terms. I see a future that I’m a willing participant in.

I think I will celebrate my 50th birthday like never before.

A moment of old me

November 5th, 2017

This is going to be long.

A touch complicated, but worth reading. It’s not often that you
get a chance to understand yourself, your past and why you are you. I got my
chance and I appreciated it.

If you plan to change your life, and you are on a steady path to
doing so, you MUST witness or sample your old ways of ‘you’ along the way
to get repulsed and/or get a logical understanding why you got ‘there’ so
you won’t ‘get there’ ever again.

Example: In the book/movie ‘Shogun’, the lead character was
taken from his crew and spent a long time with the Japanese. Learned their
ways, learned to take baths and essentially changed. When he goes to visit his
crew on another part of the island, he’s clearly uncomfortable being with them.
He wasn’t the same man he used to be. First thing he does when he gets away
from them is strip and burn his clothes and takes a bath after spending time
with them itching.

Now, let’s gets back to how it relates to me …

Quick recap:

I’m in American Intercontinental University. Studying Criminal
Justice. No real passion for the subject but a clearer path to law since it
seems likely that I’ll do well with the LSAT’s. I will receive a Bachelor’s
Degree in 2 ½ years with honors.

I work for Walmart—again.

I started as a regular associate, became a department manager in
under 90 days. Working toward assistant manager, which I’m not certain I want
anymore. I’m attracted to the money but not the shit drama of the company
processes. NO WALMART ever has their management team in order. If they say they
do, they are lying. Nevertheless, I am doing well as a department manager and
maybe I can make that work till law school. Maybe. I don’t know.

All this from an uncertain future that ended in April of this
year when I decided to apply to go back to school and stop taking shit jobs.
The last shit job I had was at a factory. I went back to Walmart because I knew
the game and could make it work for me. Thus, department manager in less time
than most.

So, yesterday. Let’s talk about yesterday.

Christmas season is coming so each department has these cornball
events. You know, seasonal sections that are specifically for the approaching
holiday. Much of the previous month was Halloween — candy, costumes that sort
of thing.

Once November 1st hit, it was all about Christmas — which
means ‘toys’ and that’s my department. One of two: I have sporting goods
and toys.

Before I get into the problems, I should explain my approach
with this job that is the secret to my success: I say ‘yes’.

You see, management are suckers and easily manipulated just
because they need someone who doesn’t push-back. When everyone is telling them
‘no’ or ‘I can’t’, the lone man that says ‘yes, it will be done’ can be king.
While it can be perceived as ‘brown nosing’ or sucking up, when management
gives you a million things to do and you’re saying yes, I know you’ll only get
1% done but all they heard is that you said ‘yes’ and that’s all that
matters. Even though the impossibility of doing a million things just won’t get
done.

I know this because in the past, I was a manager. The vilest
thing on earth is to ask an employee to do something and they complain, say
they can’t and give push back. It frustrates the manager. Everyone is ticked
off and the work is forced on someone.

They need you to pick up pallets, “Yes. I’ll take care of
it.” They need you to stock shelves and zone the area — sure, why not. They
want you to do a million other things at the same time? Sure, no problem.

Do I get all of it done? Of course not.

However, I do make attempts to try to do so. After all, they are my departments, right?
Physically, it won’t happen especially if they don’t have associates on the
payroll working with me. I’ve been the lone worker for my two departments until
one or two others come in at random times. They don’t work as hard as I do,
either. Always talking shit, slow or taken to other departments. I really don’t
fit them in my work equation at all.

So, in order to get my work done, I prioritize the important
things and work on a schedule that works for me. Which is why I have been
coming to work early mornings a lot these past few weeks. I simply can’t get
anything done with customers and management in the way. I would show up at 3am
and leave at noon; totally avoiding the pesky managers all giving different
orders and priorities.

Another part of my success is that I keep my own priority list.
Most things they want me to do is just not as important as what they think it
is. They are following a Walmart playbook that works for white, low-selling,
moderate and conservative stores/regions. Like a test store that has no
customers and is perpetually clean with one associate.

A real store doesn’t have time to put up rollback flags and new
flags on items when the customers keep knocking them off. Or prices on basketballs
that keep getting filled with different price points—causing conflict at the
register when they say they found it for one price though it rings up another.
Same with air mattresses. Slide the box over one space from $64.00 to $24.00,
they swear they need to get it for $24.00. Do I want to argue with customers
everyday about that? No…I remove the prices and they are forced to ask and
find out. The customer that ‘wants’ the item will still buy it.

In any case, maybe because it’s the season, but my departments
are up daily. Better than having a department not run by a capable manager, in
any case.

So, let’s get to it. They wanted me to wear this Santa Clause outfit.

Now, any other day, I wouldn’t have had trouble with that idea.
It would be fun, I’d just roam the store and do no work. I get it.

However, I have prioritized a bunch of other things for the
Christmas seasonal section. You see, by this time, the shelves in that section
(away from the regular toy section) should have been filled. Typically, a list
came down of toys that would be coming late so we had to fill the empty spaces
with other toys until the real ones came in.

No problem, I get that.

What the fucks did when I was off the clock and at home the
previous day, was pull the toys that were SUPPOSED to be there and fill in
randomly everywhere else in addition to bringing in loads of other toys. Making
extra work and ruining the set modular that was in place.

On top of that, I go digging in the backroom and find a lot of
the missing toys that overnight didn’t put out. So, they moved all the toys in the
seasonal section for absolutely no reason. All they had to do was do their jobs
and put out the toys that we had. Sounds confusing? Don’t worry about it.
Bottom line: Overnight sucks ass as always. I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a
million times: Overnight employees at all jobs are unsupervised assholes.

So, I’m getting repeated calls to fill the toys in seasonal as
well as my own regular section. Keep in mind, it’s mid-day and I have no one
working with me. I complain that I have no associates and all I get is “that’s
a problem for everyone”. So, when it gets like that, my feelings have been to
shrug and just do what I can and leave it alone.

Oh, yes…I’m still saying yes … but yesterday was different.

I had so much to do, I purposely delayed getting this Santa
clause shit happening. In fact, I did NOT want to do it and refused many, many
times. The even would start at 1:00 PM. By 1:30 PM, they’re asking me why I’m
not in the suit. That’s when I let them have it. I did the one thing that I
wasn’t supposed to do: I pushed back.

First, I said this event was a low priority joke. I have all
this freight and no associates. You gave me a list of things so I prioritized
this event as low. If it didn’t happen, I had no problem with it.

They complained that it was a mandatory company event and it had
to be done.

I wasn’t budging with my hate to wear the Santa outfit. It
wasn’t so much hate to wear the suit. It was them fucking with my priority
list.

During the back and forth, I was getting agitated and that
familiar feeling to walk out of the job was upon me. That unstable anger,
confusion, anxiety. The feelings that would force me to take a Lexapro.

But I calmed down, put on the suit and it turned out to be a
nice event. I did NO work. My departments were a mess and I left freight right where
I left it by order of the management. At 4pm, I went home.

You’ll say… “Now, was it that hard?”

I say to you, yes. Because I’m not that person anymore on two
levels.

First, I am smart enough to run my departments … my life …
with a measure of success. I no longer want guidance or someone to adjust how I
prioritize what I am doing except God himself. I don’t like being controlled by
others and forced to wear stupid outfits. I’m a grown man and this won’t happen
again. Ever.

The only way out of it, while in retail, is to become an
assistant manager. A position that pays well but I don’t know if that’s what I
want. The hassle is ridiculous. Besides, I’m trying to veer toward law.

Second, I did not like getting close to losing control.
That “I’ll quit” “Fuck this job” emotion I am all so familiar
with.

That’s not me anymore.

So, last night, after work, I took a hard look at myself and
realized my anxiety came from a lot of the same things: inability to do what I
need to do to succeed. I couldn’t sell my novel. I couldn’t keep a job. I hated
the jobs I was at. Not doing what meant important to me. That endless circle.

These days, I’ve created my game: going back to school, my climb
in Walmart. I’ve been in control of every aspect of where I am going — then
to get into that Santa suit felt demeaning. I wasn’t in control.

I felt stupid for two reasons: One is obvious. For getting in
that suit. The other was pushing back when I knew it wasn’t part of my game
plan. MY game plan.

My game plan.

MY game plan. I have to remember. All of this is part of MY game
plan.

I was supposed to say yes, get in the suit, shut the fuck up and
keep moving forward.

I did NOT shut the fuck up and argued fruitlessly.

I won’t do that again. The success I am moving in, at least with
Walmart and setting up for the future, is to manipulate the game in my favor.
So, if dressing up is part of it, I should not have fought it. At the very
least, I should have hired someone else to play Santa.

What happens now is I have management, even though they are
disgruntled themselves, seeing me as someone who is capable of being defiant.
No longer the ‘can do’ yes guy.

It’s okay. I just have to stay in my lane for a few months. Keep
silent and do what they expect of me to get back in order. It’s just, all day
yesterday, I saw the old me — confused, anxiety prone and angry with no
control over things — and I was itching.

My First Bow

November 3rd 2017

Received my first bow a few days ago, but I got it professionally strung up yesterday and shot a few rounds with it. Due to the weight of the draw, guess who is back to a rigorous push-up schedule? I need to build up my arms again to keep the damn thing steady. I love it, though. Very happy.

I would take a picture of it and post it if I didn’t loose my phone the other week. Odd thing was, I’m not mad. I honestly think it was lifted out of my car when I parked to get gas. It’s passcode locked as well as the icloud-thingy is on. You cannot get into the device without my information and they’ll have to erase it but STILL get past icloud. It’s worthless. Even if they get past icloud, they have to deal with verizon. lol.

I’m not mad because all things have been just going right lately. I already ordered another phone for myself and my wife. Life is great. Plus I’ll be ending this Criminal Justice course with an “A”; maintaining my dean’s list status. THAT above all, means a lot to me.

I have to get ready to get to work, but the next time I write, I’ll discuss this mentoring program I’m in that supposedly leads to Assistant Manager.

Not looking forward to it but the money would be fantastic.

Good Things

October 27th 2017

I had to write this before I left for work.

I feel like my life is refreshing. A brand new start on almost everything. I needed to write that, today, I don’t hate anyone or feel anger or anything like what I wrote in this journal. Right now, this very moment, I am in wonderful peace with myself and everything around me. I so hope I can maintain that feeling all day.

But I am going to work. But going to work happy.

Dean’s List

October 27th, 2017

I made the dean’s list for the first quarter of my classes.

I’m crying. I never made anyone’s list before.

I want to tell the world but they’ll think it’s no big deal.

To me, it’s a big deal. A huge deal. Life changing big deal. This is what my email said:

Dear Student,

Congratulations! We are excited to inform you that you have made the Dean’s List for this quarter.

One of the most satisfying responsibilities we have at American InterContinental University is to acknowledge and honor our high achieving students who accomplish and maintain excellence in their studies. Making the Dean’s List is a great accomplishment, which not only indicates your level of scholarship, but your commitment to your studies as well as to your future.

We congratulate you! Take a moment to feel proud of yourself; you’ve earned it. To mark your accomplishment, we’ve attached a Dean’s List certificate. Additionally, please share and celebrate your achievement with your friends and family by posting the attached recognition badge on Facebook or your other social networks.

On behalf of AIU’s faculty and staff, we also wish to say, “Thank you.” Your success and dedication is a positive reflection on AIU.

Warm Regards,

Student Affairs Management Team, American Intercontinental University

There is a PDF of the official dean’s list certificate also.

I’m proud of myself. I didn’t quit. I didn’t get frustrated. I didn’t get depressed. I actually succeeded.

As far as I’m concerned, I’m sticking to the plan even more than ever. The plan is working and I am so happy.

Grateful Bullshit

Today, I sent my cousin — one of the few family members I keep in contact with semi-regularly — and email updating how I am doing. When I last emailed him, it was to see what he thought of my book I mailed to him. Never got a response. Since I am beyond writing these days, I reached out to tell him the good news of my academic and employment life.

Reading over a very long email — much of it encompasses everything in this journal — I realized I’m doing damn well. I was happy to share my happiness with him.

Okay, so in this journal I showcased my hate for people, which is true. But, as I explained in the email to my cousin, that will never change. I’m on a journey of doing things I dislike doing to gain a serendipitous lifestyle that didn’t happen when I tried to live my passion. As this journal began, It’s about getting an easier life by stop doing what I loved and doing what I don’t. As you can see, it’s working regardless of the hate I have for doing it.

Sure, it makes no sense in practicality, but i’m living proof that it’s working. Do I really want to work with people? Do I really give a damn about Walmart and having associates? Do I really give a fuck about joining Toastmasters or being a lawyer?

No on all counts. I want to be a writer and filmmaker. But that didn’t work out.

What is working out is everything I rejected. Almost at blinding speed, proving the life I tried 40+ years to build really wasn’t mine.

So, am I happy that I have medical insurance now for my kids, a rising credit score, debt being paid off and a stable job with advancement on the way? Am I happy that I am academically doing wonders and will soon have the credibility to gain lasting employment with higher pay? Am I happy that I will change the points of views of friends and family that don’t think I’m amounting to much?

To all of that, I have to say yes. I only wish I could have done all of that with the same serendipitous energy I put into the love of my life. I will forever have a burning hate for why my writing career did not come as easy as the brainless work I’m putting into the things that I don’t love…that are working out.

Let these words show that there is more to life going on in the background than we really know because this is bullshit.

But welcome bullshit. Bullshit that I am grateful for.

Police

October 13th 2017

My hate for law enforcement is genuine. I now see how evident it is as I’m taking assignments and tests in this criminal justice program.

So why am I taking criminal justice if I hate the police so much?

In order to prosecute the bastards for their bias scum-bag selves after they eventually kill another unarmed Black man while letting White versions, who have seen to be doing much more damage, survive. Fuck the police, and if learning law is a way to hunt these cracker bitches down, I will.

That said, I need to pass this class with less disruption.

I’m getting choice questions like: what do I think is Bias-Based policing and I’m choosing what makes sense: Stop and Frisk is one of the choices and It’s coming up wrong.

Ask people in New York if ‘Stop and Frisk’ isn’t bias.

I find myself pleased to hear every time an officer is shot and killed somewhere. I can individualize the situation to this being one person that has a family, blah, blah, blah. But I’d rather acknowledge this was a man that chose to follow a corrupt system. And his choices produced a desired result.

Ugh. Yet another thing to work on in order to succeed.

Absolute ‘hate’ for law enforcement is incredible. Where it comes from, I do not know. Maybe it’s because the deaths of so many Black men and women at the hands of this scum has affected me. I don’t trust any police officer and have not found cause to need one. Most events I’ve handled myself.