Tumblr Notes

You know, as of 8/5/2017, I have ZERO notes, reads or likes of my journal. It’s okay. As of this date, I have yet to publicize the journal to my usual outlets (facebook, twitter, etc). It’s public, but I’m keeping it low key. I’m not broadcasting it out there asking people to check it out. It’s just ‘there’.

All the same, I’m checking out other Tumblr notes and likes. Some people have 3,000 notes and so on.

Then I look closer:

“Russian Brides”
“Get such-n-such prescriptions for illegal drugs”

Spam.

The majority of notes and click-thrus are spammy and advertising links.

Ask me if I want 3,000 notes promoting how to marry a war-torn Ukrainian chick.

Go ahead. Ask me. lol

Working with People

I JUST said I wasn’t going to complain about Walmart. So what am I about to do? Complain about Walmart.

Well, not really about ‘Walmart’ but the people I work with. Typically, I am a hard-worker. I may find time to coast a little, but my coasting is still degrees higher in getting the job done than the average worker’s base-work.

Dude I work with does absolutely nothing but sit on the phone, walk around the store while on his phone, does a little work to keep up appearances and goes back to texting or talking on his phone.

Meanwhile, I’ve stocked out half my department leaving a bunch of empty boxes. Yesterday, I had enough and left him with those boxes to throw out.

Because I know this type of guy— the kind of guy that bitches about other people but fails to see how little he does himself — he’ll be saying shit behind my back as he does with everyone else. How can I leave all those boxes for him to do? From my point of view: easily. You don’t do shit, so I left you something to do.

Today, in hindsight, that kind of abrasive ‘i’m going to fuck you over for fucking me’ isn’t part of the plan. Now I’m in a position to complain that he doesn’t do shit after he complains I didn’t empty boxes. Back and forth and petty shit.

It’s not part of the plan to dance with petty shit.

Not with petty small people.

Not to become small and petty because of them. I’ll end up hurting myself because, in this environment, it’s not what they see you did that was good, but what you didn’t do. Ultimately, they won’t see that the man who created all the empty boxes in the first place was the man doing all the work without the lazy fuck.

I said I wasn’t going to complain about Walmart. Technically, I didn’t.

I’m complaining about ‘people’ and this sort of scum could have been found at ANY place of employment. Including a future law office.

Also, this is my journal to vent and plan next steps. I’ll handle this sort of thing better next time.

Another Set of “A’s”

For two of my assignments last week, I received an ‘A’ for each. Again, the assignments were not hard but I could have easily gotten a lesser grade by not being diligent and determined to put my all into everything I write. So, yet another well-deserved set of grades.

This whole going back to school thing is wonderful. I’m genuinely impressing myself.

Good Start

It’s been a good couple of weeks. Nothing major to report. No news is good news.

I’ve decided against bitching about Walmart. It only leads to negative thoughts and I’ll be no better than the old ladies currently at the job — complaining ABOUT the job and the people in it — but not willing to move up and do anything about it.

I’ve taken a step toward leadership positions, taking a leadership assessment yesterday. As you know, the goal is to keep rising up in the company like I did before to pay off debt and school while going back for the degree. I expect to be an assistant manager in less than a year.

I think this time around, I’m going to go a notch higher than Assistant Manager this time around. Not necessarily store management, but something closer in the near 6-figures before Law School.

Thus far, I’m still ahead on my classwork. No issues to report and I’m happy.

It’s that feeling of being happy that I’m trying to keep active and ongoing. As a result, I’m noticing all those around me who are NOT happy. My wife is one of them. She’s someone who enjoys lying around in bed all-day and can be bitter/grumpy often. At one point, I was joining her in bed all-day — watching tv and pissed not having money to do anything. Then the decision to get out of bed, go back to school/Walmart/etc, etc…and here I am.

I did invite her to go back to school with me. Her student loans are in default like mine were. I told her she should find ways to get them out of default like I did but you know how that goes. She didn’t look enthused to do so.

I was actually hoping we would go back for our degrees together.

I hate to take an ‘oh well’ approach to my wife. I got my own stability to be concerned about. It’s going well NOW. Let’s see how things go when the classes get harder and I’m running a department or a group of departments.

Preparing for the future stress is more important than ever.

And yes, I still have my lexipro. LOL Just the damn things really upset my stomach. Maybe I need to start a regular taking of it to adapt like I did before. God, the first few weeks of that was killer and I don’t remember if it really assisted with the stability in the first place.

My bouts of depression occur randomly; maybe broken down to once a month. I know its a chemical thing. Just not sure what triggers it. Good news has been, since I started school and the job, I’ve been free and clear. There may be a connection in that. We’ll see.

Anti-Social

The thing to know about a person who is introverted and antisocial is some of us ‘fake’ our daily existence to get by. The smile. The ‘how are you?’. The ‘How was your weekend?’. All pre-programmed triggers to make others think you give a damn.

It’s like at Walmart or any other retailer. We’re trained to ask the customer ‘How can I help you?’. Do we REALLY want to help you? There are some who are genuinely interested in helping that customer find that right blouse or cake mix. The rest of us would rather get through the day without talking to the scum.

We’re doing it because we have to.

The thing with me is, after a full day of ‘how can I help’, yes ma’am this and yes sir that … when I come home, the last thing I want around me is another human being. Wife, son, daughter … No ONE.

The argument can be had that I never want anyone around me but that’s not true. I actually love spending time with my wife and my children.

It’s actually a sensory overload for me that I’m willing to compress for eight hours of the day. After that, at home, shut the fuck up. Leave me the fuck alone.

I know. It’s terrible. In the past, I didn’t quite understand that feeling. Why I was so much hateful when family and friends tried to reach out. I recognize it now and it’s my DNA make up. Typically, I can’t stand crowds and gatherings. But for a pay check, I can suck it up for a few hours.

At home, the family may not understand that and want to bond, talk about their day, complain about something, need help with something.

The need to keep a reserve of ‘give-a-damn’ is important after giving a damn at work all day.

Maybe I can figure out how to package ‘give-a-damn’ so I can pop a pill or two when I get home to continue smiling and caring for another hour.

In some cultures, I think it’s called ‘Cocaine’.

Suddenly, I miss my adderall.

Twin A’s

On July 25th, I received not just One, but TWO A’s for two assignments I had the previous week. I promised myself I wouldn’t downplay the grades, so I’ll just leave it like that. Every grade I receive gets me closer to the law degree I planed on.

Deeply, I am proud of myself.

Tested

There is a common thread in my life that I consistently fail. Dealing with asshole people.

Technically, the way to handle a non-physical asshole )someone who doesn’t put their hands on you), it’s advisable to ignore them. Especially if you don’t have any day to day contact or need to communicate with them.

No need to discuss “physical assholes” because it’s never the case and I wouldn’t let it get that far.

But the non physical verbal asshole s; the ones that push buttons by the little things they say. It’s been my policy to say things as warning shots to make sure that person learns to watch their mouths.

Then it leads to a back and forth that ends up getting violent. Always always always. Next thing you know, I’m out of a job.

Since I started Walmart, there is this belligerent high priestess asshole named Samantha that’s just determined to be a walking talking bitch. At first, I let the little things she says slide: her approach is abrasive and careless on how she speaks. One of those “moral officer” bitches that been at a job for six years, knows everybody and organizes parties every week with little management supervision. One of those who comes to work on her days off because she thinks people need her.

At first, I thought it was me. A few days in, she made it clear she had a problem with me by just the eye rolling and ignoring me on a simple “good morning”.

Asking if she had a problem with me would not go well. I don’t work directly with her and she can keep her fake love boat Julie job all she wants.

The test for me: keep smiling, ignore her and get promoted. As we all know, ignoring a bitch and not reacting to her but on pushing is the best defense without choking her.

Thus, this journal. A means to vent and still stay on track. Fuck her. I got a life. She doesn’t

Test passed.

Walmart and Other Accomplishments This Week

On July 19th, I officially started classes online for the bachelor’s degree.
On July 20th, I officially became a Produce Associate at Walmart, leaving the job I had at a factory; on track to reach a pre-defined future as a manager. Why Walmart? I’ll explain.

It will not be my first rodeo with Walmart. Back in 2003, I started with the company as a Department Manager. I eventually made it to an Assistant Manager. Shortly after my kids were taken to Albany, Georgia by my ex, things went downhill around 2005. It was an extremely stressful time I don’t want to rehash. I couldn’t do my job and I was angry every single day.

I regretted those years. It was the best money I made, without a degree, in my life. Relatively easy money. Yes, it was hard work. Compared to other jobs, I was able to actually have ‘money’ and do a job that didn’t get under my skin as much until the problems with the ex kicked in.

Flash forward to today. Up until recently, I worked at a factory making plastic for restaurants and stores. Full of Spanish speaking people during the day and all the African-American’s at night. 12 hour shifts and I was considered only a temp/work-to-hire. I needed more money than being a ‘packer’ (packing the plastic into boxes for shipping). The next step up was an ‘operator’; someone who operates the industrial machines that made the plastic. That was $11.50 for training. After training, either packer or operator, it was mandatory that I went overnight. Only after awhile, if something during the day opened up, would I go back to days. The fact is, no one was giving up a day shift slot.

Not if you didn’t speak Spanish, anyway.

I HATE working overnights. Even worse, 12 hours — 7pm to 7am — doing the job as an operator. After 4 months, I made it to the operator training, but always knew that overnight shift was looming on the horizon. I tried to arrange a way to work days …. or at least work an opposite overnight than my wife’s day shift. You see, she and I had the same days off (three off/two on/three on/two off). If I worked overnight, I would be getting off work the morning she had to be at work. We only had one car. Plus, I would need to be AT work the time she gets off and she often gets off at 8:30pm, whereas I had to be there at 7pm.

What got me annoyed, when I tried to explain this to my wife and the people at the factory (why I don’t want to do the overnights and the bad timing), everyone was so helpful to offer that I take ‘Uber’.

Idiots. Each and everyone of them. Why would I spend money every day and every night, about $10 each way or a little more, for a job that I don’t want to do at that time of night, be stressed out and STILL try to do my classwork while sleeping.

Working overnight is unnatural. I’m not interested in hearing about the person who did it for twenty years and they did what they had to do to make it work. After doing overnights for a year, your body adapts. It sucks no matter how you train your body to sleep days and stay awake nights.

I’m telling you, I do not want my body to adapt to working after midnight. I did it before, hated. Will never do it again.

Being an operator would have given me a raise of $14.00. Still not worth it.

Additionally, I seen the class of people who work the overnights coming in as I am leaving. Assholes most of them; underscoring why they need to work overnight and stay overnight—out of sight. Out of mind. Plus, I was offended that the majority Spanish-speaking crowd found cause to keep the Blacks in that shift.

Let me also add, the company was a little suspect with their race division — promotion policies. Yes, I got to be an operator in training. I wanted to work days and they had no place for me to work days — conveniently. I’ve been down this road before working with Spanish-speaking supervisors. They keep they’re people closer to them and others get the cheap shifts. I went through this way, way back (doing an overnight) working at NYU Medical in maintenance. All the workers and supervisors were Hispanic I was the only Black male on the shift and I got the least work or no shifts to work at all.

Witness how a racist gets built. Often its how the same person gets hit by the same culture the same way repetitively. Often it’s just ignorance. Still, I’ve had a theory that racism is contributed by the stereotypes our own cultures produce. Another topic for another time.

Anyway, I put in an application at Walmart when I knew the storms of change were coming. I gave the factory one last chance to see if I can work a better shift. They declined me. That same day, I accepted a job offer from Walmart as an hourly Produce Associate. You see, I would be making the same money (plus a little more) as I would as an Operator in training, only 8 hours a day DURING THE DAY. No overnights.

And I’m closer to home. Should I have any car issues, I can walk.

So, with a tip of my hat, and a warm ‘fuck you’ to Pactiv (the factory), I left for better work-life employment. A place where positions are mandated by talent, not race. I’m positive a few class action suits in the past made sure of that.

This chess game of life can only be played by you and you alone. To others, why would I leave a job that ‘could’ pay $14.00 overnight?

To me: why would I work a stressful job that paid $14.00, that interfered with my attempt to get a degree when I can work at Walmart and become a department manager making $16 in 6 months and never have to work overnights? Get back to Assistant Manager in 6 months to a year; making between 50k-60k a year? I f I stayed at Pactiv, in a year, I’d be bitching about why I’m still on overnights making maybe $15.

I made the best move for me and it’s already paying off. Play your own chess game. I do recommend taking some advice that might be helpful. Otherwise, fuck the excess voices around you. When I last stopped by the temp service office to pick up my check, they were still fucking around with printing out checks for folks late. No direct deposit. Always delays.

Get the fuck out of here with that bullshit. Never again.

As of today, I’ve completed the assignments that were due. I’m on a steady course toward success. No issues. I’m sticking to the plan.

Interesting Thing…

With class starting in a few days, I am able to see what my assignments are early though I can not submit anything yet.

Of course, writing ‘something’ is the foundation of any educational process. Term papers, homework, thesis, etc. It’s just that this online process was practically catered for me. 90% (conservatively) of my time is writing, and my Discussion Board assignments are primarily requesting my thoughts on a particular topic related to the course.

In other words, like I am writing right now, for this journal, and getting graded for it. I also have a sneaky suspicion that the work isn’t really read by a human. I think what we submit is run through some sort of plagiarism tester and instant graded.

I’m going to kill this thing and come out of it with a 3.8 GPA minimum.

Third Novel

I’m editing my third novel today. I should be said that, even though I’m going back to school, the desire to write has never vanished. I’ll continue to write till I’m dead.

The thing with this novel is I’m surprised at the soft … No. Correction. ZERO response the original release of it received. I sent it to a few friends to read: no response. I sent it to a few places to get reviewed: declined.

Considering my first two novels generally were better received, this kind of response lately has made me a little uneasy and doubting my talents. Thus, triggering why I’m going back to school.

Still, as I edit (again) and prepare to read an audiobook version of the story, I’m thinking this is the better novel than the first two. It’s a mature story and I think what’s keeping people from it is it’s not for the attention span of 10 minutes or less. This is going to be one of those situations where time will explain how good the story is.

It’ll get re-released in a month or so and the audiobook right after. I want to finish working on this before my class work gets underway. But, I have a fourth novel to work on. Not to be worked on until this one is out of the way.