March 31st, 2018

It’s been all about writing. Creative writing. Where my whole ‘everything’ began. Christ, I’ve been writing since I was five years old. It soothed me through the worst of times, and it seems to have done the trick now.

I think back a few weeks ago when I was losing my shit. It was almost as if I were on some wrong choice of anti-psychotic. To this day, I don’t know what made me feel so depressed— then poof, it’s gone. Except for the writing and seldom exercising, I’m still home. Still unemployed and the grades in school are going well.

I gotta brag: the President’s Award made me feel really good. I have two awards. Three if you count my GED from, like, 1988! As I said, my grade school years weren’t the best. That’s why these certificates mean a lot to me in the self-esteem area. Keep in mind, I’m 49, and these are three awards for anything during this lifetime.

It’s not as if I had not tried at things. My anti-social issues today are a different man than I was when I was younger. I worked at everything. I was much more social then. My ‘real life’ friend list was huge, and it was the stuff kids today would probably envy. With some of the best genuine friends I ever had.

Still have. We all are grown, with families and no time for the old days. I keep in touch with a few. Some I really miss. Facebook made that ‘reunion’ connection easy.

Which reminds me … Facebook. I’m annoyed with them at the moment, but it’s part of the bigger picture I’ve noticed. It’s complicated, but I’ll try to break it down.

Let’s go back to 2004 when the internet was just a place to post stuff online. Terms like viral weren’t used extensively yet. In 2000, I posted a flash video that garnished 600,000 views. At the time, enough for the hosting site to shut me down because my views went over the data their systems allowed. Today, those kinds of numbers are nothing, but it’s just to give you an example of the differences from when I started out.

By 2007, Facebook is on the scene, and it’s just an extension of the same stuff we were used to since MySpace. Still able to post anything. Still able to get views. The web is getting congested, but my website was still getting visits. I since learned that ‘staying power’ has its benefits. My site was online for almost as long as the modern-day internet has been chugging along (figure 2002-2010). I would come up easy on search engines.

Shoot forward to today, algorithms change, posting anything anywhere doesn’t get you noticed at all unless you pay for it.

Or have a sexy female body.

So, I write this novella and the due process, for me, is to post it on Facebook, post an image of the cover on Instagram, post it on Twitter. Now, on Facebook, I have some 2,000 people as friends that I don’t know. Claimed from days long past when friending anyone was easy, and they friended you back. (2008-2010). Social climates changed, and people don’t accept or look to friend just anyone. Mostly because there are people out there that just fuck everything up. Fake accounts. People are posting virus things, etc, etc.

What I’ve noticed, with all the friends I have, anything I post on Facebook often doesn’t get seen. I’m never expecting anyone to respond to every news article I posted, but this is what’s bizarre this time around, and Facebook is purposely choking the awareness of my posting:

1st, a few days ago, I set up an ad for my book cover on Facebook. Going through the whole ad management process: audience, picture scale, categories, etc, etc. I’ve done it before. No big deal.

The ad for a fantasy novella ebook was declined.

Why? The reason given was because the ad seemed like something to do with housing and I had to certify that my ad wasn’t part of phishing or some housing and commerce bullshit.

I appealed and blasted them. Was it because of the audience I included was African-American? I called their AI system on its bullshit and said even the description was about fucking fantasy fiction; as far away from commercial housing as you can get.

Two days later, they tell me the ad won’t run until I certify that it has nothing to do with housing and they’ll get back to me. I click the ‘certify’ button and get frustrated, deleting the ad.

Now, the next day, I do a regular act of posting my book cover on my regular page. Keep in mind, I have 2,000 people who commonly see my postings either way, and at least 100 regular folks that, no matter what I post, comment or check out what I’m writing.

I’m going on the second day now that NO ONE seen my book cover at all. My work doesn’t show up on Facebook’s news-feed, and it’s purposeful since I didn’t pay for it. My wife has an account….my wife. Who sees and likes my work whenever I post it to be supportive. I didn’t tell her I posted on my page just to see if it will automatically show up on her feed.

Nope.

I’ve had days, with the first book, when I posted just the cover, it was spread among my small group of friends for 100+ likes easy. It’s not the ‘likes’ I’m looking for as much as an understanding that people see the work.

Same goes for all the other social media platforms. It’s a business now, and I don’t know how I’m going to get my book seen by people with limited funds.

For instance, I paid for sponsored ads with Instagram (twice) and Twitter this week. I have an ad running with a group on twitter called book tweets soon. This is how final tally (I kept a record):

Instagram (1st time) – Spent $20.00 – 1,934 views, 20 clicks, 1,946 impressions, 77 Engagements. 82% were men. 18% were women. The location was only Georgia because I screwed up and thought you were limited to one place. Got a lot of likes for the effort. People liked the cover. Men, particularly. The odd thing is, I don’t think men are the target audience as eBook readers go.

Instagram (2nd time) – Spent $20.00 – 2,666 views, 32 clicks, 2674 impressions, 103 Engagements, 87% were men, 13% were women.The location this time was the major states: New York, Illinois, Florida, and California.  California came in with the big majority of viewers.

Twitter – Spent $50 – 28,471 estimated impressions – got 17,350. 8,450 views. 55 Engagements. 2 clicks. Zero likes.

The goal in all of this was for people to click thru to the Amazon page. Pre-orders would be helpful, of which I didn’t get any, but the goal here was to do the same amount of exposure that I used to do FOR FREE, by just posting on any of the social sites.

So here it is, I paid $90 for exposure. Add $15 for Book Tweets, but those numbers haven’t started yet.Was it worth it?

Well, let’s see. Knowing that these sites are refusing to let you be seen even by your small core group of followers, to get the word out about a book, unless you’re a major publisher, these are the things you might have to do these days. I get the concept of advertising and the need to pay for things … but putting it in real terms, I should be able to put a sign on my front lawn telling people to buy my book, and my neighbors should be able to see that sign. Compared to the way things are done now, the social sites are covering your sign with smoke, so no one sees it unless you pay.

Then when you do pay, it’s not even close to feedback I used to get when it was free!

When I got these numbers back, then I see other people with Facebook ads that get thousands of likes, views, etc., I can’t help wonder what the fuck is going on?

And this was me looking to PAY Facebook for the ad time.

If you can’t pay for an ad for a fantasy book, and the other sites you do pay for sponsoring a posting get back very little interaction, how do you get your work seen anymore? I’m at a total loss these days because I even see peoples work on here — Tumblr — getting hundreds of notes and for something as small as a fucking dot in the middle of a white page. Go fucking figure.

Yeah, I’m frustrated.

Should I be?

Taking a step back — wayyyyy back, let’s ask the question yet again:

Who am I writing for?

Is the fact that no one knows my books are out there truly matter if it’s keeping me happy? That I’m doing what I love for the love of it?

There is an entertainer side of me that wants an audience for my art. It’s natural.

I started this blog because of my frustration that my art wasn’t being seen, so the focus is on school. Now that school is going well, the art in me is dying to come out. So I did. I wrote a novella. I think it’s the best writing I’ve done since my first book, but shorter, easier to complete and fun to write. I already finished the second in the series and soon the third. All before the first one is set to release tomorrow.

By the way, I’m not interested in ‘selling’ my book here. This journal is not about the sales pitch as my uncensored feelings. Growth, if you will.

Of course, I would love a measure of success with my writing to keep me from working at another job I’ll quit or get fired from. Supporting my family with my writing is my core dream. That said, I’m back at school because we know that dream didn’t work.

Doesn’t mean it ‘won’t’ work in the near future. It’s like the lottery: you could get that dream but only if you play. I’m working my storytelling in with school work as therapy and, hopefully, my stuff will catch on. But your thing can’t catch on if you don’t do any.

For instance, through Kindle, you can see when people are reading your work. Not sure if it applies to EVERYONE reading your eBook, but they have this thing called Normalized Pages. I’ve been noticing recently that, after a few years of nothing, one of my short stories were being read two days in a row.

I can only assume this has to do with me pushing one eBook, triggering someone(s) to read my past work.

That much I know about this internet, Amazon ebook game: you have to keep writing to get people to circulate through your stuff. Now that I have this series idea running, that concept is going to be put to the test.

I also have a habit of putting my work up for ‘free’ for a week at random periods of time. For this new ebook, I’m sticking to my guns at the $1.99 price and leaving it alone until close to the second book comes out. People LOVE free things, and that’s been my single most selling point for exposure in the past. I’ll put it up for free mid to late month, hopefully, to roll people toward the second book and so on.

Oh, and back to book reviews….ugh.

After I saw those abysmal numbers from paid ads, I re-thought the whole submitting to get reviewed thing.

It’s very much like submitting a resume out to employers. Both of which I hate doing.

But … if I need a job, that’s what I have to do PLUS I have to chisel at my resume to make it acceptable to people hiring.

If I want my book reviewed, I have to submit it to all sorts of websites and chisel my query letter to make it acceptable to people reviewing.

On both fronts, I was sorely put off: rejected for jobs. Declined to review my work. My early work was reviewed well. The last book I tried to write fell flat getting reviews. I mean…rejected to get a free book and review it.

Part of me thinks I’m doing this all wrong.

Mostly, I’m appealing to little websites and their alleged following to review my work and post it on Amazon and their sites. The posting on Amazon is essential, but I can’t account for what following they may or may not have. They all say they have backlogs of books they haven’t read yet and they have to turn people away.

If you think about it, fucking ‘Martha’ with a blogspot page and has four kids and reads books on her weekends, is claiming to have a following that warrants her to be the authority of whether people’s books shall gain worth status to be reviewed.

What if “I” started reviewing books?

Apparently, being an authority on anything begins by stating that you are.

But think about that. What if I started reviewing books? I would set up a professional online presence. Authors would begin submitting their work to me. I would read all of it and post reviews on Amazon. Being that I know what an author needs to hear, I think my reviews would be encouraging and providing constructive feedback accurately.

I would start gaining the audience I’m looking for from the author’s perspective. They spread the word about the reviews (because that’s what author’s do) and they draw attention to readers as well … all coming back to me.

I thought of this once before…long ago, but I admit, I’m not the biggest fan of reading other people’s work. Especially when I’m trying to write my own.

It’s bad enough that I fight hard to fix my grammar issues, but I’ve seen some of the worst material ever. EVER.

So how could I work that into my reviewing persona? People out there are self-published because the industry rejects them. And then, the non-industry is dismissing them because they think they’re elite. I read a few websites that refused to read self-published authors because of various reasons. Mostly because of editing issues.

Which I could capitalize on by offering services?

But I’m not an editor. Nor do I want to be.

You know, when I first write anything, I usually want someone to read my work first draft and catch glaring errors. The obvious things as I fix the story. Not necessarily ‘edit’ but at least take note of the key things

I’ll think more on this. The audience draw sounds terrific if I’m willing to keep reading, writing my work and continue what I’m doing in school. Do I have time for all of that and still look for work?

Can anything in this idea pay off to be self-sustaining?

I’ll run the emotional/mental/financial costs around a little longer.

Now you know the meaning of the title to this journal entry. 

Probably one of the best titles yet considering I’m not social, trying to be social in a world that demands you be social to get anywhere. Oh! And guess what … if you want to be social, you have to pay.

People are such assholes. The question is, am I ready to be an asshole and make others pay to play the same game.

Goes back to why I’m still on track for studying law. I want people to pay me what life owes me if the art didn’t work. An asshole move; but it’s in the basket of fuck everyone for taking from me (i.e., paying to be social), or not appreciating my art while I go broke and nameless and its time to ‘take’. High priced lawyer and all that. Currently looking at Entertainment law.

An “if you can’t beat assholes, become an asshole” maneuver. Am I comfortable with that?

My bank account and bills I owe says I better be.