June 2nd, 2018

Nt one day off and I spent the latter half of it very anxious and looking into a lot of self-destructive shit. No, I don’t drink or do drugs, but the desire for sex is just as equally destructive. Sometimes, when I feel this anxiety coming on, it’s coupled with an extreme need for a female and then I start looking for company that I shouldn’t; married or not. Sex, in the past, calmed me down especially when masturbation is getting boring. Finding something extra-curricular is exhausting. Being single in a world of idiot game players is incredibly time-wasting. I would invest in prostitution but thats expensive and I’m not fond of condom use at all.

So, took a Zoloft (half of one) and I’m stabilized. By that point, I already looked into a lot of trouble, but I’m good now. Let me tell you … Tinder isn’t as easy as one thinks to get some pussy. Well, maybe not at my age anyway. or maybe it’s just me. Plus down some money using all the stupid features for a quick fix that never happened. Might as well have given Tinder the money for free. All I wanted was a straight, no strings fuck and I couldn’t even get that.

Was it wrong to look for sex? of course it was. On normal days, I don’t look for ‘extra ass’. When I get in this frame of mind — I feel overwhelmingly lonely. I need the touch of woman and just have her until we’re finished. Like a person looking for drugs or alcohol to fill a void. It’s my go to when I am not on medicine. Through the day, I wasn’t thinking of taking the medicine and I let it carry on too long. About an hour ago I took the Zoloft and I’m calming down.

Like a person on drugs/alcohol, sometimes, the damage is already done. Today, I’m straight. No issues. But I remember years past where it was damaging. The child support I owe underscores that.

Perhaps if I had married a nympho. Just raw, daily, hourly power sex nonstop. Then I’d have other problems. Like no sleep.

I’d pay anything to be normal.