February 19th 2018

I have all this work to do and for some reason I just can’t sit still. 

The mood has been swinging back and forth up until today — where I feel fine, just the idea of sitting to do this paper on genetically modified organisms has me bouncing from one thing to another when I need to get it done. I mean, here I am writing this journal entry — not writing the paper.

It’s like I have energy and it’s not from anything out of the ordinary. Lord knows, I don’t go anywhere but with this energy to ‘do’ would have been helpful if I did.

The problem is I’m bouncing from one project to another assignment to another task and not completing anything. It’s like my brain created its own Adderall and I’m just driving without a destination.

Then, watch tomorrow I’ll be tired and not interested in doing anything. Go figure.

So, what did I do within the past 8-24 hours different that can get me to this state of broadened awareness when I need it?

I slept well. Ate well. Took my Metformin (diabetes type II meds) for today. I had McDonald’s last night, so maybe thats not considered eating well, but it sure tasted good. Maybe it’s that ‘happy’ feeling noted in the ‘Supersize me’ when he ate McDonald’s as opposed to when he stopped.

My wife made some Sangria the day before. 

Yesterday, I had a little more than my usual intake of alcohol. That would have to be the singular difference in my usual routine. Not enough to say I was drunk. Slightly dizzy — what they called ‘buzzed’.

Drinking??? God, no. Let’s hope that doesn’t become a regular habit. Bad enough I go nowhere, get depressed and wallow in my anger and sorrows — and now drinking? 

But what if the sangria produced this result? Shit, I’m getting a lot of things done (albeit, some of this and some of that and some of the other thing, circling back to the first to finish that up, etc). Not depressed. No foggy head.

Only one way to test things: Go without for 24 hours. Maybe 48 to purge the system. Try again. Today is Monday. Wednesday night I’ll drink the stuff and see how I feel the next day. Watch it work and I’ll be forced to face the values of being an alcoholic in order to get more things done.

Academics are still in the GPA of 4.0.

All reports and assignments are going just fine and on time. The change in degree program was officially entered today and I’ll be in information technology march 3rd. My job search for IT has been a little short of a trainwreck as no one responds to me or my resume. I have been using the university resources to improve my resume but the fact is, I’m likely unemployable.

So you know why I’m also getting back into artwork/animation. I’m still calling it a hobby. But if I were to be able to make a couple of bucks along the way to assist supporting the household, that would be a good thing until I’m actually working. My current fear is not being able to get a good IT job until I actually have my degree.

My next fear is not getting work even WITH a degree. So, the idea of keeping a few different fires burning ‘just in case’ doesn’t hurt. 

The only negative thing that happened over the weekend was the Post Office successfully mis-delivered a drawing tablet I purchased the other week.

A Wacom. I bought it on Amazon ( https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B010LHRFM2/ref=od_aui_detailpages00?ie=UTF8&psc=1) and it was to be shipped to me on Saturday. 

I got the alert that told me it was “delivered to a mail room”. As I don’t have a mail room, and I went to the leasing office to see if it was there (it wasn’t), they apparently dropped it off elsewhere.

It pissed me off for about an hour. I mean, I bought this art tablet for my own personal pleasure. It wasn’t for the kids. Not for the wife. Not for school. I’ve been digging further into art for animation and just because it’s been calming me down (another thing to consider with the latest mood balancing act). To have this missing bothered me; like how could I be so consistently unlucky with things I consider a ‘passion’?

Additionally, my graphics board in my computer finally gave up the ghost and I was almost without a fix. Bought a cheap but workable grahic card from Best buy. But both negative issues gave me a momentary amount of stress.

So, naturally I drank more sangria to ease the pain. LOL.

Today is a holiday, so I have to deal with this post office business on Tuesday. The local post office is a hive of lazy assholes, but the plan is to get there early, get them working on where my package is and be calm about it.

In continuing with my renaissance man mystique, the man is doing well as a scholar, I actually like my artwork, plan to actually like my animation and I really need to figure out how to go get some archery in without actually going places where other people will be. Difficult to say the least. Like trying to find a shooting range that no one will be at.

Oh! One other thing. I saw “Black Panther” last week. Phenomenal movie. Very inspiring. If I weren’t going to college now, this film would have inspired me to do/be/have more and apply. For the Black community, that’s such an encouraging thought.

UPDATE: My Wacom arrived today to the leasing office. All is well. They fixed whatever blunder they made.