Tag: bored

Unimpressed

June 24th, 2018

I’ve been writing a lot to the journal because I have no one to speak to. Even if I had someone to talk to, no one care what I have to say anyway.

No. Not feeling suicidal. Not today, anyway.

It’s an overwhelming feeling of boredom with everything.

Have you ever looked at a person and just wondered “is this it? Is whatever that person is doing is the sum of what living is all about?” and just feel unimpressed with the existence of that person?

Well, that’s what I feel about almost everyone I see outside at the mall, the streets, passing in cars. People don’t impress me. When I look in a mirror, I feel the same about the person looking back at me. Worthless. No big deal.

That is a typical emotion I always feel about myself and others. I took stock of the pointless work I did at this soda warehouse and realize that this might be all I could ever do.

Sure, I’m trying for a degree and certifications. I always have ‘plans”. I just feel I have a life of nothing behind me….no matter how much heart I put into things. And I have no point of reference of success to believe my future will be any better.

Again, not suicidal. Just feeling worthless and drained of reasons to keep life going. I get in these moods. It’ll pass. Just wish I can feel impressed with my boring life.

Tomorrow I’ll start over. Get a full nights sleep. Get up in the morning, do my classwork, practice the guitar. My wife will be at work so I can actually concentrate on a few things comfortably without the TV on all day.

I’ll re-build a new resume that focuses on tech support work exclusively and start pitching for a new job tomorrow.

Tonight, I just need to let this feeling pass through.

Positive Slow Vibes

January 28th, 2018

Grades continue to soar. But coming up next week: biology and bio-lab. How lab is done online, remains to be seen.

And Math. If my degree program switch is to really happen as planned (I’m hearing March 2018), I’ll be getting College Algebra and Survey Calculus. I suck at math and this should be interesting.

Meanwhile, I still have nothing to report except that the job search is the usual: no responses or the occasional “Sorry, but we decided to etc, etc, etc.” Not giving up. Just trying to stay positive.

Keep in mind, my wife is still working so let the record show this is how I’m still surviving. It’s only been thirty-days since the last job. I’m anticipating a new job come February. Check back with me on that one in a couple of weeks.

While at home, I’m into school work and the project. Calling it ‘the project’ is unnecessarily mysterious and annoying but better to just leave it hanging and anonymous than early posting details that may or may not come to fruition. Bare with me for a few months longer — I’m actually on a set timeline I made to accomplish key steps of it. 

I’m proud to say I’m on time. I set realistic goals and considering the algebra will come in handy (yep! Found a real world need for it’s use and you have to be an engineer to want to use it! After all, I am building something mechanical) — it seems what I’m doing is preordained or pleasantly coincidental. 

So, in regards to the project, today I actually saw it coming together. Like, off-paper and the framework there. I’m actually doing it and I’m happy about it.

This weekend I’ve realized how much I stay in. With no friends and no desire to socialize, yesterday I felt trapped in my own apartment. The weather is okay. I could have gone to the library. I watched all the “Family Guy” I could possibly download. School work is all caught up and all I do is focus on mechanical engineering.

I admit, I could use a muse — a slim bodied, sexy chick — but I’ve learned my lesson over the years. Pussy is a distraction and nothing gets done. Good pussy stops all progress cold.

Get the money/fame/progress FIRST.