Paralegal

May 16th, 2018

The writing stopped. I needed time to pack away and/or destroy everything relevant to that creative end. It wasn’t working. I thought I could have fun doing it, but the truth is, with no one reading — no one reviewing — there is no fun in it. A creative lobotomy — that side of me had to go. It was killing me.

Back to this lifeless, but eventually lucrative, law career decision with no other diversions than to play a video game or two during downtimes.

The career path has led me to explore, before law school, work as a paralegal. For that, I need to be certified and I found a 1-year course at Kennesaw State University that can provide the study and the certification. I was looking at a course at Emory but they expected a bachelor’s degree FIRST in order to take the same course, for the same certification.

I’m still doing fine in AIU with a GPA of 3.92. Environmental science fucked me. I inquired about disputing past grades. Because I did not discuss it with the teacher and open a dispute at the time, it wouldn’t be worth it. My fault. At the time, I did not think it was worth it. But, seeing that I am doing great with my essay’s now, as to say, I should not have had a problem with the previous essays, I’m feeling I should have slapped that bitch for grading me so poorly.

Well, I have one week left in this course, and I have all A’s.

Oh, I had an event with my daughter this past weekend. My daughter told my ex I was going back to school and how well I was doing. My ex was proud of me and said: “I always knew you could do it”.

She’s of that very educated, 6-figure variety. The problem wasn’t that she didn’t support educational endeavors. She never supported my creative endeavors. Not just her. My mother wasn’t interested either. Years upon years of my own lack of faith in myself based on negative feedback from those around me who didn’t even READ my work. My ex made up every excuse possible not to read anything until SOMEONE ELSE read it and reviewed it.

My writing was an uphill struggle. I knew I was talented. Just not supported and it’s in me to have self-hate and resentment about it. Meanwhile, kids like this get full support for whatever he’s doing since 11 years old:

https://www.vogue.com/article/food-recipe-eureka-flynn-mcgarry

It’s never about “he was a prodigy.” I was a prodigy in storytelling. Writing since 5-years old. Taught a few classes in creative writing. But I’m Black. No supportive family. No money. I can sum it up and wonder if I was ever any good at all and here we are at giving up and just focusing on going to law school. There. Saved you another paragraph of ranting. As for teaching creative writing again, I hate people too much now to even try to be caring in a classroom.

So, here’s the plan: I continue the work I’m doing in AIU. Continue to get the good grades. Get the Bachelor’s degree in 2020 for Information Technology. between now and the end of 2019, I take the Paralegal Course and get certified. This allows me to get work at a law firm with my final year getting the degree. Naturally, I let them know the intention to take the LSAT.

Getting a job as a Paralegal breaks me free of crap temp jobs like the one I should be starting any day now. That’s another story. I got the job but didn’t start yet.

Working as a paralegal is like pre-law realtime, plus being paid.

That’s the plan anyway. Left-side of the brain things work. All this shit about the law, working in law and going to law school will fall into my lap easier than my struggle to be a writer.

Even finding that better course at Kennesaw is an example of serendipitous momentum. I couldn’t get that kind of convenient momentum for my writing whatsoever. It’s hard to explain. It’s the little and big things. The writing was always a struggle with no one caring. Law pursuit? I hold out my hand and all things fall into place.

People are ‘proud of me’ suddenly. Including my mother. Were they not proud when I was writing? Fuck all of them. Every last fucking one of them.

Let the record show I don’t give a rats ass about law and it’s all about ‘people’ and you know how much I don’t give a fuck about people. Fucking lovely. I’m going to be the House M.D. of Law.

Career Settling

December 10th 2017

I have to keep reminding myself “I am not retail orientated.”

I have to keep pushing myself to be “law” focused. At best, right now, academically focused until it’s time to focus on LSAT/law school ambitions. Some would argue, right now.

I’m having trouble adjusting to the suppression of the career that I want. You can say, “Oh, go ahead and be a filmmaker.” I tried for more than half my lifetime and produced nothing but failed memories that went no further than where I started. The attempt to be a filmmaker, for me, has been nothing but an uphill battle of near zero support and little to no money. Attempting to shift to animation to offset assistance and expense also fell flat with barely anyone even looking at my work. I guess you can say I have zero confidence that I was even a good animator.

One can also argue that it’s my fault because I have no confidence in the things I do.

I’m back to why I’m going back to school and law: because it’s a serendipitous ease of passage.

I had little trouble achieving the work I’m doing right now, in academic work, and passing some of the practice LSAT tests compared to getting my films off the ground. Or my books.

Another argument could be made: Gaining the approval of an audience is harder than performing linear instructions to achieve a degree.

I don’t know. Today, I feel confused and lifeless. I’m supposed to be working on a paper for class. I’m bored with the whole school concept like when I was growing up. I’m still on time with my work but this life is stale. Uninspired. Combined with working at Walmart, i feel trapped and without creativity, which is my core value: being creative.

Is my work so bad that I can’t capture the attention of more than a handful of people?

Granted, with almost everything I did, it was self-taught. There are greater talented people out there that taught themselves things and are working for major companies.

I’m willing to take classes on animation or film-making to improve. I often feel that studying animation to get a ‘certificate’ doesn’t guarantee you job placement. Getting my bachelors in criminal justice ‘might’ fill in that hole. To get people to look at my work, at least., even though the degree has nothing to do with the work. But I’ve been saying that for ages: why do I need a degree at all if I have the talent? Most companies won’t look unless you have a degree.

Or maybe I don’t have the talent.

Troubled, troubled, troubled. Again, I’ve selected the path of law because of the money and serendipitous blessings its giving. Finally something I can put in effort and see results. Without too much thinking. I wanted that with my film career. And in that I put my heart with no results.

Sigh.

What I have been attempting to do … to ease my restless soul … is re-invite my film/animation/writing aspirations back into the fold by taking it back on regardless. It makes me happy, so why stop? Doing an act just to do it for your pleasure without an audience isn’t logical. At least not in entertainment. The point is to ‘entertain’ others. Not just yourself.

Can I possible work hard enough to achieve the bachelors degree and study animation to get a certificate; build a truly professional reel and incorporate everything I need and want? To what end goal? Bachelors to cover my ass. Animation to cover my heart. Law to cover my expenses. Film making to cover my dreams.

It’s a lot. Keep in mind, as of this date, I STILL haven’t attended another Toastmasters meeting. Or paid recent dues. What makes me think I can juggle two separate career studies?

But I am bored. I need a little life injection.

Also I can’t afford it: going to a second school requires out of pocket expenses that I simply can’t pay for. Self-study all this time produced zero results without a teacher to correct and show.

Sometimes, I feel my life was wasted. I thought any talent I had would accumulate to a successful life. It hasn’t. What do I do with all this wasted untalented knowledge?

That’s the heartbreak of it all.

Then again, that’s the problem with things that come easy: I may be doing this school work and getting A’s and a perfect GPA with honors … but I feel I’m not earning it. When I was doing film and animation and struggled to succeed, I was getting no attention and no ‘applause’ … but I felt I earned whatever I did get.I just wanted more.

Academic Update

November 22nd 2017

I bitch so much about Walmart, I don’t really cover what’s going on with my grades/school.

When I last spoke about that robbery getting a B- in that class, in the OTHER class I’m taking, ENG107, I got a B+ for some little shit I don’t remember but I know I deserved it. No need to fight over it.

I’m still at 4.0 GPA.

The problem is the details required are anal as hell. There are very specific ways you are supposed to cite/reference in APA format and it sucks maximum ass.Ask me if I will be citing and referencing 3 ½ years from now?

Possibly…if I intend to go to law school.

This is where I’m at these days. With my absolute resolve hating Walmart, I need to make sure I planted firmer ground in the ‘real’ career choice. I spoke a great deal about law in the beginning. My issue is the reality that I hate, HATE working with people — all people. Any human being.

So how do I get that to change? How do I find ways not to be annoyed by sheer stupidity of the average person?

If you’re reading this, your saying: “you can’t. Deal with it.”

I’m saying “I must find a way.” Even now, the ENG107 teacher recommended I work with a fellow student on an assignment. My initial and current feelings on that are “bullshit. Never gonna happen.”

Sooner or later, there’s going to be a group project. I swear to God, I do not look forward to that day. How I usually handle group ‘anything’ is to just sit back and watch the comedy of group implosion. I don’t offer suggestions and just follow whomever is left when the dust settles.

I fair better as a leader of a group—-but I don’t field suggestions. Nothing is up for debate. Shut the fuck up and we’re going this way to finish the project. Any suggestions are heard but we’re on a path to a goal and there’s little time for debate. In fact, no time.

I can relate to why dictatorship works. People are assholes and you’ll get nothing done with a committee.

I’ve been wondering ‘what am I going to do’ in this life if I can’t manage working with another person. How can I possibly move forward?

What’s that? Open my own business? Tried that. For me, didn’t work.

Huh? Things are different now that I’m an educated negro now getting a bachelor’s degree? A bachelor’s degree in criminal justice could get me into a private investigators role and I could conceivably work for myself?

These are the thoughts that I’m dealing with lately. Attempting to answer an undefined future.

I have always had a gravitation toward finding missing people. Maybe even a talent for it. Like archery — who knew I was good till I tried it. Same with finding missing people. Long story. Another time.

So, with the bachelor’s degree, I can obtain a private investigators license. Do I want to track cheating spouses? No. Not interested. I do want to find missing people because I can. Not sure how the financial outlook is for that kind of work, though.

Law School still makes sense because it’s clearly defined. That’s why its not off the table yet. Having both a PI license and a law degree sounds splendid, in my opinion. I could get law degree, get paid sufficiently and find a private hole in the wall to do administrative work that doesn’t allow me to interact with too many people — while searching for people as my other job. Being a defense attorney isn’t my first passion. Helping civil rights issues, even just administratively—-or hunting down people to help for the case— sounds reasonable.

It’s all frustrating. I feel like that kid trying to come up with ‘what I want to do when I grow up.’ It’s a shame….I haven’t grown up yet.

Law Career Goals

I’ve been thinking where I want to go with a law degree. It’s years (approximately five from now. Give or take a year.) I’m going to do my best to get it. That said, I was asked what kind of law I wanted to study.

I’ve long known I wanted to work on cases that prosecuted cops that have been shooting Blacks across the nation lately. Not sure what title that part of law focuses on.

Then today, I happened across an article about the SPLC (Southern Poverty Law Center) and it hit me. These are the guys I can totally understand and would want to work for.

I checked out their legal careers page to get a feel for what I would need to do to achieve a position there. The Staff Attorney – Criminal Justice Reform is right up my alley! The requirements are steep but i’m currently on path to accomplish those areas. I got time. The following list is useful for me to guide my way in the direction to eventually work with them (by the way, I really need to bone up on my Spanish):

Overview:

The Staff Attorney will litigate individual and class action
cases raising constitutional and statutory claims in Alabama and federal
courts, at trial and appellate levels. S/he may engage in legislative work and
public advocacy related to civil rights issues, particularly relating to adult
and juvenile justice reform.

This position is specifically envisioned to focus on advancing criminal justice
reform in Alabama. This may include, but will not be limited to: advancing
sentencing reform; addressing unconstitutional conditions in Alabama’s
juvenile, adult, and immigrant detention facilities; and other issues relating
to over-policing, the denial of due process in the criminal justice system,
racial disparities, and/or collateral consequences of justice system
involvement. The focus of the position may change as warranted by changes in
the law, the circumstances in Alabama, and/or the needs of the organization.

Responsibilities:

• Work on cases and campaigns, and lead litigation and public
advocacy under supervision of the Associate Legal Director;
• Supervise and manage the legal work and related tasks of Law Fellows,
Interns, and Outreach Paralegals;
• Collaborate with the Associate Legal Director and the Policy Counsel and to
identify and support the advancement of state and local policy priorities;
• Supervise outreach activities related to cases and campaigns; and,
• Other duties as may be assigned to meet SPLC needs.

Qualifications:

• Juris Doctorate Degree;
• At least 2 years of federal court civil litigation or comparable legal
experience;
• Strong academic background;
• Excellent research and writing skills; and
• Admission to the Alabama Bar or willingness to sit for the next Bar Exam.

Knowledge, skills and abilities:

• Creativity and a demonstrated willingness to take calculated
risks in crafting and executing strategies;
• Initiative, vision, and a proven commitment to the struggle for social
justice;
• Ability to prioritize responsibilities and have fun in a high-energy,
fast-paced work environment; and
• Spanish language ability preferred but not required.

At least I now have a guideline to perfect my educational planning. I would sit for the bar exam in any and all states that would allow me to successfully and legally crush the White bigotry.

Keynote: I will never regard this subset of hate as ‘supremacy’… as no man is supreme over me. NO man/woman.

That said, in addition to all the qualifications needed above, I also bring an above average level of fearlessness to the table. I don’t fear fucked up police officers and hate groups. Eradicating that scum would be easier to hang them trees as they did my race for centuries. The legal way will have to do — and I’ll come like a bat out of hell to get the job done.

Why? Especially when I have never truly been a victim of hate crimes. Never directly.

I guess you can say, as I’m getting older, I’ve been ‘woke’ to the idea that the subtle hate crimes, the indirect ones, in daily ‘quality of living’ is ever present: the lack of services in our communities, how the news portrays Blacks verse Whites — White solider comes home to surprise his daughter. Meanwhile, a Black man was arrested for drug dealing. That sort of thing.

My legal career goals would be to take down any and all hate groups nationwide. Thankfully, never easily intimidated.