360

May 29th, 2018

You know, I might just be pulling off the greatest turn-around in history. The degree and other future happenings not only look probable but due. Verily expected and grounded in reality.

Even though I spent a lot of this journal swamped in depression, spurts of anger, rage against people and myself, occasionally suicidal and in debt with off and on again employment — the core reason I started the journal in the first place is bearing fruit. Regardless of the inner turmoil, the plan is working. I can even go on to say, the plan that is working is healing the inner turmoil.

In a little bit, I’ll be in my sophomore year of college with an excellent GPA. I am considering a paralegal course on the side to achieve certification to help toward the LSAT and law school — as well as a means to gainful employment of a professional level. Something to get me out of the ‘Walmarts’ and soda warehouse blue collar sector and make ‘real’ money.

Should any of that fail, the backup is Information Technology. With the IT degree, I can still get great pay in this era where digital investigations are necessary. I’m considering taking the CompTIA A+ certification to complement the IT degree.

Should both succeed, I will have a shield of knowledge and experience to be more than the man I was when I started this journal.

I can actually start formulating a proper resume that is really who I am that I could be proud of.

So what still needs to be done?

1) Maintain the job I currently have. It doesn’t pay much, it’s just sweeping the floors, but it helps with child support, paying minor bills, saving some money and paying for the CompTIA A+ and the paralegal courses.

2) Keep looking for tech work to replace the current job. Start fleshing out the career path in IT exclusively, if possible. Nothing customer based. I don’t want to do IT support for stupid customers that think putting their phones in rice is a great idea.

3) Take the CompTIA exam. Never hurts to have it.

4) Take the paralegal course and get certified. Solidifies one potential guaranteed future.

5) Take my wife out more. We’re going to Savannah next week. I’m sure we can find other places to go.

6) Consider getting back to archery.

7) Buy all books and study material for the LSAT.

I’ll have to keep working my way back up the social thing to want to go to a lodge or Toastmasters. No rush. The paralegal course looks like it emphasizes on speaking and communication with others anyway so I’ll wait for that.

All in all — as of this moment — I feel stable mentally, with ‘adult grown-up’ career and financial stability on approach.

What I hope anyone gets from this journal is exactly what is happening: Make plans in life, see things fail, make adjustments, come up with new ideas that work and come close to the original goals as possible. Losing your mind along the way, but finding where to stabilize.

It’s been an incredible year.

Writing

March 7th 2018

Nothing but a lot of writing.

Oh, and passed biology with an A average in both the main course and the lab.

Started ‘Environmental Science’ today. Had to post a ‘getting to know you’ thing for the new class and kind of reaffirmed my reasons for doing all of this and continuing off to law school. With my current grades, I’ll be able to have my pick of schools to go to. Wow, never thought I’d ever say that.

That said, I have to incorporate more LSAT study into my daily rotation. On that, I’ve been slacking.

Then again, after the darkest couple of weeks I’ve ever had in awhile, coming into this ‘light’, writing again and doing well in school is a pleasure. It’s just a matter of getting back on the horse, sort of speak.

Project Forward Motion

January 21st 2018

Nothing much to report. These have been very ‘basic’ days. Again, no drama. No muss-no fuss. Probably just the way I like them to be.

I’m proactively working on the ‘project’ and I’m running into road blocks. Call it ‘limited’ knowledge of mechanical engineering, but I won’t let that stop me.If I stopped to studying engineering, this project won’t be done for another 5 years.

So, it’s learning along the way. One thing that must be noted here: I’ve been learning a lot of things rapidly. It shows in my grades, as well.

Interesting thing: I have ALWAYS self-taught myself many things but with no grading system to judge me by until now.

I’ve started the LSAT study process. Digging deep into the methods to understand logic questions and such. I practice on a weekly basis.

Freecodcamp is still going well as well as the IT job hunt (help desk support, really). Funny thing: If I could go back to Apple, I certainly would. I don’t want to go over that previous meltdown I had there. LOL. No, I don’t want to go over that at all.

Suffice to say, I’m managing my depression so much better OFF medication than I was trying to stay on it.

My secret: Purpose.

I have a defined purpose and my depression isn’t a priority anymore. Oh, don’t get me wrong — it haunts me in the background like a shadow in the corner, but my purpose: the ‘project’, my grades, my new career in IT … all these things keep me centered, or at best, I know where to center myself if I get a little low. Keep in mind: the majority of my issue is chemical. I don’t control when it comes — but I control how to tuck it the side, sort of speak.

So today’s entry is all about moving forward. Nothing to report except forward motion.

And I am grateful.