Customer and Management Scum

December 16th 2017

Having a hard time with being at Walmart and I don’t know why it’s so bad. More than ever.

Actually, I know why. The usual: it’s Christmas season. The customers are assholes. The management are assholes. I’m not ‘managing’ my department the way I would like and I’m constantly fighting over creative control of how to put a fucking box on a shelf with the other management.

Really. I could set up a display or feature of items, and the next day, it’s taken down. Fuckers. If I can’t come to work with a desired purpose to get work done, without it being re-worked every time I turn, then it’s no wonder I feel the way I do. So, I come to work focusing on my own work (i.e, school, writing, etc) and Walmart just gets ‘enough’ during my shift.

It needs to be said, I never started into this position feeling this way. I wanted to give my all, but management is playing by a rule book that doesn’t allow me to be a leader. So fuck ‘em.

That said, for the past few days, I’ve been leaving early.

I’m on lunch now, but I already scheduled PTO (Paid Time Off) to leave at 1pm. It’s 11:28am. The goal is to go back to work after lunch, work an hour, and go home at 1pm. I’m off tomorrow. I was scheduled to 4pm. It’s not a cool environment to work on a Saturday at a Walmart during the holidays. They have no cashiers so their asking Department Managers to come up front. Bad enough I can’t stand customers as it is.

Speaking of customers, let me give a snapshot of the shit I commonly have to deal with:

* An associate buys an un-assembled bike. She brings it back because she wants the one that was pre-built. No problem. I bring her the exact same bike and she thinks its too small. Fine, she goes and gets another pre-built bike. It’s the same maker and name, but bigger. The original bike was 12 inches. The new one is 20 inches. She’s wanting the 20-inch bike for the same amount of money as the 12 inch. Myself and everyone else are like: “No.” But she, again another employee, is looking to speak to management to get the price changed.

* Customer is looking to buy her son a weight set. She wants the tilted platform with rack. I tell her the “Weights and the bar for the weights do not come with the rack, but we sell them separately.” She doesn’t want them separately and scoffs at the price of the weights and bar against the rack. Of course the rack will be cheaper than the weights. I told her to shop around for cheaper weights but this is how they sell them here. If the bitch wanted the weights included, she’d be paying three times as much.

What I’m finding is many adults really hate shopping for kids. And they do the worst thing possible: a slow inspection of a toy they’re going to buy and judging it based on whether or not THEY would like it. It’s ridiculous to see—watching people study a fucking Nerf gun and making decisions if they, themselves, would like it. It’s true. I hear them all the time: “Oh, I don’t like this toy, but it’s on their list.” or “It’s for my daughter. I wouldn’t play with it.”

Another issue is the customer that comes in asking me “Would I get this toy for a 5 year old kid?”

First of all, you got to be an asshole if you think every five year old kid is the same as your bratty fuck kid. The fucking kid down the block will want different toys than another kid. What does YOUR specific kid want?

Second, when I DO give a recommendation, why the fuck would you tell me “No, he wouldn’t like it.” Especially if your ass doesn’t know what a five year old wants in the first place?

To all fucked up customers that shop at ANY retail, I say this: Stop asking for recommendations for your kid. We don’t know your bastard ass sperm-result. We don’t want to know your fucking kid and if anyone dares to even suggest an item for your kid, stop acting as if you know if your kid would like it or not.

If you DID know what your kid likes, you’d just get the fucking toy and stop being cheap bastards. Cause you KNOW the kid asked for Xbox in the first place so you’re just trying to dumb down.

Sigh.

I’m off in an hour. Off tomorrow. Will finish the last of my school work for this term and focus on what’s important because Walmart and the customers suck ass.

On a brighter note, I’m fleshing out another novel concept. A story I have had for years (in addition to the hundreds of others locked up). But I feel this is the right time to work this particular story. I’ll try not to make the mistakes of the past novel by planning it better, get it done faster and with tighter edits the first time around.

Exit Clock Started

November 21st 2017

I lost semi-control today. All indications point toward an eventual breakdown if I don’t tighten things up.

The job is very stressful. Much more stressful than I remember it being. Maybe it’s because there’s a host of female management in the store—maybe it’s because I’m a different person than I was back 15 years or so. Wow. 19 years since I was I first started with Walmart and left the company?

Yeah, I am different. We acknowledged that I am not that same person. Not by a long shot.

Still, working for women is like working for an erratic, sinking boat: no matter what’s happening, make sure the boat looks pretty. But we’re fucking sinking.

I snapped at the store manager over the radio today so, naturally, that was addressed. I was wrong… I know that. Second time I snapped at these fools, really. Look back at the Santa Claus entry.

So, they sat me down and wanted to know what’s wrong. Why do I ‘spazz out’ every once and awhile? Their words, not mine.

Spazz out.

Heavy sigh.

What am I doing here? In Walmart. All I kept thinking when she spoke about a whole bunch of bullshit on leadership, respect, etc.

Somewhere in her speech, I told her I declined the ‘future leadership’ position. I think that was for the best, really. I don’t want to be an assistant manager. I don’t want to work with retail or these people for longer than it takes to get this degree and get the fuck out.

I almost quit today.

Bad as it is, I ‘told’ my direct manager that I was leaving. I had 30 or so minutes left before my shift ended, but I told him I had to go—like right now. I could not be in this store after I made my apologies for snapping as I did.

I was frustrated. As I’m sure everyone else is. I speak my mind. Probably not the best thing I should do. But I hate being kept silent on things that must be said.

So, I came home and slept for an hour and a half. Took a shower. Prayed. Yeah, I do that. It’s a part of my life that actually works — with evidence. Odd thing is, I often pray to say the right things at the right times and for God to guide my words.

Is that what happened today? Were things that needed to be said — said?

Well, in the end, all I feel is stupid, ashamed, and opened myself up to potential write-ups.

They asked why I was frustrated. I tell them I am called all day to do various tasks—a hundred things pulling me in different directions— and in response, the store manager tried to belittle how I felt by trying to check-off each task and wondering where my priority are.

When some of ‘their’ priorities are ‘making the ship look pretty’ while the ship is sinking.

While my departments have bigger priorities than what they want. Or if I’m asked to do a task by another manager, they expect me to nix him and make sure their shit is taken care of. Who am I to say no to management? I could spend the whole day saying one manager has me doing something else and I can’t do what you need.

So I’m sitting here looking at my bottle of Lexapro. It’s an old prescription; I stopped taking it maybe a year ago, with an occasional one if I feel a lot of anxiety. Like now.

Stuff makes me nauseous. Then I’m a zombie only to eventually level out a month or so later. No desire to do anything. No passion. It kills creative energy.

When I was writing, this stuff was NOT recommended so I stopped taking it.

I’m not writing these days, so whats the excuse. Might even help me get through my school work.

I know this much: I’m sick of moving from job to job. I’m in here…Im not fired. I didn’t quit. I can still make something of this Walmart experience.

The problem is I showed them my unstable hand. My anger. Oh yes, I am angry. But I showed them it. That I reach tipping points easy. declining the future leaders shit probably didn’t help either.

Still, It’s for the best. I know it is. I feel it is.

At the end of the discussion, they suddenly had all these people they can send over my department to help me. Suddenly, after months of asking for more help, seeing my frustration, the availability of more associates in a department that needs more people during the Christmas season, will be obliged. I told them, “It’s sad that it had to come to this for me to get more associates.”

And that right there is what I am feeling. I had to near blow up for them to make changes. We’ll see how those changes play out. We shall see.

But I’m not going to lose my mind just to get my job done. This management are fools and I’m sick of them. They drew out my anger — my fault, but now I see how far they will push souls before they do something smart. Or at least ‘say’ they will do something smart.

So maybe I did say what needed to be said:

“I officially decline future leadership. I do not want to be an assistant manager.”

It stunned them but so what.

What it did was officially start my exit clock with the company. I’ll still do my best with the departments I have but — you know what — I already said it here in this journal: long enough to til getting the bachelors degree.

What I really need is a new plan.

And a new prescription.

A moment of old me

November 5th, 2017

This is going to be long.

A touch complicated, but worth reading. It’s not often that you
get a chance to understand yourself, your past and why you are you. I got my
chance and I appreciated it.

If you plan to change your life, and you are on a steady path to
doing so, you MUST witness or sample your old ways of ‘you’ along the way
to get repulsed and/or get a logical understanding why you got ‘there’ so
you won’t ‘get there’ ever again.

Example: In the book/movie ‘Shogun’, the lead character was
taken from his crew and spent a long time with the Japanese. Learned their
ways, learned to take baths and essentially changed. When he goes to visit his
crew on another part of the island, he’s clearly uncomfortable being with them.
He wasn’t the same man he used to be. First thing he does when he gets away
from them is strip and burn his clothes and takes a bath after spending time
with them itching.

Now, let’s gets back to how it relates to me …

Quick recap:

I’m in American Intercontinental University. Studying Criminal
Justice. No real passion for the subject but a clearer path to law since it
seems likely that I’ll do well with the LSAT’s. I will receive a Bachelor’s
Degree in 2 ½ years with honors.

I work for Walmart—again.

I started as a regular associate, became a department manager in
under 90 days. Working toward assistant manager, which I’m not certain I want
anymore. I’m attracted to the money but not the shit drama of the company
processes. NO WALMART ever has their management team in order. If they say they
do, they are lying. Nevertheless, I am doing well as a department manager and
maybe I can make that work till law school. Maybe. I don’t know.

All this from an uncertain future that ended in April of this
year when I decided to apply to go back to school and stop taking shit jobs.
The last shit job I had was at a factory. I went back to Walmart because I knew
the game and could make it work for me. Thus, department manager in less time
than most.

So, yesterday. Let’s talk about yesterday.

Christmas season is coming so each department has these cornball
events. You know, seasonal sections that are specifically for the approaching
holiday. Much of the previous month was Halloween — candy, costumes that sort
of thing.

Once November 1st hit, it was all about Christmas — which
means ‘toys’ and that’s my department. One of two: I have sporting goods
and toys.

Before I get into the problems, I should explain my approach
with this job that is the secret to my success: I say ‘yes’.

You see, management are suckers and easily manipulated just
because they need someone who doesn’t push-back. When everyone is telling them
‘no’ or ‘I can’t’, the lone man that says ‘yes, it will be done’ can be king.
While it can be perceived as ‘brown nosing’ or sucking up, when management
gives you a million things to do and you’re saying yes, I know you’ll only get
1% done but all they heard is that you said ‘yes’ and that’s all that
matters. Even though the impossibility of doing a million things just won’t get
done.

I know this because in the past, I was a manager. The vilest
thing on earth is to ask an employee to do something and they complain, say
they can’t and give push back. It frustrates the manager. Everyone is ticked
off and the work is forced on someone.

They need you to pick up pallets, “Yes. I’ll take care of
it.” They need you to stock shelves and zone the area — sure, why not. They
want you to do a million other things at the same time? Sure, no problem.

Do I get all of it done? Of course not.

However, I do make attempts to try to do so. After all, they are my departments, right?
Physically, it won’t happen especially if they don’t have associates on the
payroll working with me. I’ve been the lone worker for my two departments until
one or two others come in at random times. They don’t work as hard as I do,
either. Always talking shit, slow or taken to other departments. I really don’t
fit them in my work equation at all.

So, in order to get my work done, I prioritize the important
things and work on a schedule that works for me. Which is why I have been
coming to work early mornings a lot these past few weeks. I simply can’t get
anything done with customers and management in the way. I would show up at 3am
and leave at noon; totally avoiding the pesky managers all giving different
orders and priorities.

Another part of my success is that I keep my own priority list.
Most things they want me to do is just not as important as what they think it
is. They are following a Walmart playbook that works for white, low-selling,
moderate and conservative stores/regions. Like a test store that has no
customers and is perpetually clean with one associate.

A real store doesn’t have time to put up rollback flags and new
flags on items when the customers keep knocking them off. Or prices on basketballs
that keep getting filled with different price points—causing conflict at the
register when they say they found it for one price though it rings up another.
Same with air mattresses. Slide the box over one space from $64.00 to $24.00,
they swear they need to get it for $24.00. Do I want to argue with customers
everyday about that? No…I remove the prices and they are forced to ask and
find out. The customer that ‘wants’ the item will still buy it.

In any case, maybe because it’s the season, but my departments
are up daily. Better than having a department not run by a capable manager, in
any case.

So, let’s get to it. They wanted me to wear this Santa Clause outfit.

Now, any other day, I wouldn’t have had trouble with that idea.
It would be fun, I’d just roam the store and do no work. I get it.

However, I have prioritized a bunch of other things for the
Christmas seasonal section. You see, by this time, the shelves in that section
(away from the regular toy section) should have been filled. Typically, a list
came down of toys that would be coming late so we had to fill the empty spaces
with other toys until the real ones came in.

No problem, I get that.

What the fucks did when I was off the clock and at home the
previous day, was pull the toys that were SUPPOSED to be there and fill in
randomly everywhere else in addition to bringing in loads of other toys. Making
extra work and ruining the set modular that was in place.

On top of that, I go digging in the backroom and find a lot of
the missing toys that overnight didn’t put out. So, they moved all the toys in the
seasonal section for absolutely no reason. All they had to do was do their jobs
and put out the toys that we had. Sounds confusing? Don’t worry about it.
Bottom line: Overnight sucks ass as always. I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a
million times: Overnight employees at all jobs are unsupervised assholes.

So, I’m getting repeated calls to fill the toys in seasonal as
well as my own regular section. Keep in mind, it’s mid-day and I have no one
working with me. I complain that I have no associates and all I get is “that’s
a problem for everyone”. So, when it gets like that, my feelings have been to
shrug and just do what I can and leave it alone.

Oh, yes…I’m still saying yes … but yesterday was different.

I had so much to do, I purposely delayed getting this Santa
clause shit happening. In fact, I did NOT want to do it and refused many, many
times. The even would start at 1:00 PM. By 1:30 PM, they’re asking me why I’m
not in the suit. That’s when I let them have it. I did the one thing that I
wasn’t supposed to do: I pushed back.

First, I said this event was a low priority joke. I have all
this freight and no associates. You gave me a list of things so I prioritized
this event as low. If it didn’t happen, I had no problem with it.

They complained that it was a mandatory company event and it had
to be done.

I wasn’t budging with my hate to wear the Santa outfit. It
wasn’t so much hate to wear the suit. It was them fucking with my priority
list.

During the back and forth, I was getting agitated and that
familiar feeling to walk out of the job was upon me. That unstable anger,
confusion, anxiety. The feelings that would force me to take a Lexapro.

But I calmed down, put on the suit and it turned out to be a
nice event. I did NO work. My departments were a mess and I left freight right where
I left it by order of the management. At 4pm, I went home.

You’ll say… “Now, was it that hard?”

I say to you, yes. Because I’m not that person anymore on two
levels.

First, I am smart enough to run my departments … my life …
with a measure of success. I no longer want guidance or someone to adjust how I
prioritize what I am doing except God himself. I don’t like being controlled by
others and forced to wear stupid outfits. I’m a grown man and this won’t happen
again. Ever.

The only way out of it, while in retail, is to become an
assistant manager. A position that pays well but I don’t know if that’s what I
want. The hassle is ridiculous. Besides, I’m trying to veer toward law.

Second, I did not like getting close to losing control.
That “I’ll quit” “Fuck this job” emotion I am all so familiar
with.

That’s not me anymore.

So, last night, after work, I took a hard look at myself and
realized my anxiety came from a lot of the same things: inability to do what I
need to do to succeed. I couldn’t sell my novel. I couldn’t keep a job. I hated
the jobs I was at. Not doing what meant important to me. That endless circle.

These days, I’ve created my game: going back to school, my climb
in Walmart. I’ve been in control of every aspect of where I am going — then
to get into that Santa suit felt demeaning. I wasn’t in control.

I felt stupid for two reasons: One is obvious. For getting in
that suit. The other was pushing back when I knew it wasn’t part of my game
plan. MY game plan.

My game plan.

MY game plan. I have to remember. All of this is part of MY game
plan.

I was supposed to say yes, get in the suit, shut the fuck up and
keep moving forward.

I did NOT shut the fuck up and argued fruitlessly.

I won’t do that again. The success I am moving in, at least with
Walmart and setting up for the future, is to manipulate the game in my favor.
So, if dressing up is part of it, I should not have fought it. At the very
least, I should have hired someone else to play Santa.

What happens now is I have management, even though they are
disgruntled themselves, seeing me as someone who is capable of being defiant.
No longer the ‘can do’ yes guy.

It’s okay. I just have to stay in my lane for a few months. Keep
silent and do what they expect of me to get back in order. It’s just, all day
yesterday, I saw the old me — confused, anxiety prone and angry with no
control over things — and I was itching.