June 22nd, 2018

I think my ex just asked me out. Not the ex from the previous conversation (wife #2). Ex-Wife #3. Yeah … I’ve had a full life. Fuller than most.

Until I can discern what this is about, I’ll be spending the day with our daughter and my ex (my daughter’s mother) will happen to be there at the same time. We’ve gone to functions together for the sake of our daughter before. Not a big deal.

But this one was different. I was invited to a theme park that she even bought the ticket for me. I have to pay her back, but a day she had planned to go to the park, she sorta kinda asked me if I wanted to go too. 

I’m going so I can have fun with my daughter. I just wanted to make a note—document — my suspicions. There have been other hints in the recent past that I just rolled off, but this kind of underscores suspicions.

Moving along, my daily guitar practice is going well and I love my instrument. How professional guitarists do their thing is beyond me. These early first steps are foreign to me (finger placement, fret holding, etc) but Fender Play assures me a few minutes each day will improve. I put in about fifteen minutes twice a day or so before work.

Oh, about work, which is really where the odd part comes in. Going there is starting to do damage. My hand swole up like a little balloon. The knuckle grew large and it was hard to close my hand. I think either something bit me or I got scratched with a nail. There’s a lot of garbage I sweep and put out at the job. It could have been anything.

So, I stayed home today because I just couldn’ use my hand at all. Kept it under ice and slept much of the day. I felt bad about not going in. It’s not like I make enough money anymore for the days I do go in. It’s worse now with the child support being taken out. Financially, I’m in that ruined area of life. Too expensive to GO to work.

Yeah, school and certifications all sound great and encouraging. But the right here and right now is hard as fuck.

Plus I’m physically tired all the time. Probably why I slept so much today. Still tired.

I’m calling the nootropic stack I bought a failure. At least for me. I think my body is super immune to simple 200mg caffeine pills when they show no effect with coffee on top of it. The Coluracetam works. But even that fades with too much use and doesn’t give energy.

A personal WORKING stack I would recommend:

1 300 mg Coluractam & one serving of Redline Energy Drink.

Let me tell you about Redline Energy. It works. Harder than Red Bull, a touch longer than five-hour energy. Actually, Redline gives you the same kick of drinking both Red Bull and 5-hour energy drink at the same time.

As you can see, I am a heavyweight energy drinker. Not long ago, I read some kid overdosed on caffeine from soda. Either he died from just too much soda alone or he was a lightweight. I’ve downed so much energy drinks, with Adderall, at one time I should never go to sleep again. But, at this time, all of it just runs through me.

My wife and I are going to go see Jurassic World tonight when she comes home from work. I’m going to take a little nap before she gets in.

See? Just can’t keep my eyes open.