November 26th 2017

Coming from a guy that has made it his business not to like being around people, I am dreadfully lonely today. Actually this weekend.

My wife went to New York to visit her mother. During this time, Friday to Monday, I fairly lost my mind. She is my only close friend. I talk to her about almost everything and her companionship, apparently, has been vital to me.

So what do I do? Start looking through old pictures. Past marriage(s). The good times with the kids. Feeling sadness for the implosion I had a lot to do with.

Falling into sorrow.

I can’t say I miss my ex, but I can say I miss the family we had. The house. The life.

Donna and I are building on that now – sans children – but something tells me that I’ll never have it good as I did when I was in the house.

I know Monica (the ex) and I weren’t ever going to see eye to eye on things. I don’t miss ‘her’. I miss the experience. Just wish it was different ‘her’.In the life I have now, I have more control of how things will go.

That’s what I have to remember and be grateful for. I am in control of my life whereas it was her life and I was living in it.

The things I’m missing are the things I need to build for myself.

Just that I feel I am getting older. That youthful window is fading and I “shot my load” sort of speak between 2004 and 2012.

The hell with all that. I’ll snap out of it.

Just time to reload. lol.