Tag: resume

Unimpressed

June 24th, 2018

I’ve been writing a lot to the journal because I have no one to speak to. Even if I had someone to talk to, no one care what I have to say anyway.

No. Not feeling suicidal. Not today, anyway.

It’s an overwhelming feeling of boredom with everything.

Have you ever looked at a person and just wondered “is this it? Is whatever that person is doing is the sum of what living is all about?” and just feel unimpressed with the existence of that person?

Well, that’s what I feel about almost everyone I see outside at the mall, the streets, passing in cars. People don’t impress me. When I look in a mirror, I feel the same about the person looking back at me. Worthless. No big deal.

That is a typical emotion I always feel about myself and others. I took stock of the pointless work I did at this soda warehouse and realize that this might be all I could ever do.

Sure, I’m trying for a degree and certifications. I always have ‘plans”. I just feel I have a life of nothing behind me….no matter how much heart I put into things. And I have no point of reference of success to believe my future will be any better.

Again, not suicidal. Just feeling worthless and drained of reasons to keep life going. I get in these moods. It’ll pass. Just wish I can feel impressed with my boring life.

Tomorrow I’ll start over. Get a full nights sleep. Get up in the morning, do my classwork, practice the guitar. My wife will be at work so I can actually concentrate on a few things comfortably without the TV on all day.

I’ll re-build a new resume that focuses on tech support work exclusively and start pitching for a new job tomorrow.

Tonight, I just need to let this feeling pass through.

This Job

May 27th, 2018

Today is my daughter’s birthday. Almost forgot about it being that I slept all day yesterday and today. It’s Sunday and there is so-called mandatory overtime.

There’s a couple of reasons I don’t foresee myself at this job past Monday or Tuesday:

1) It’s hard on my feet. I’m too young to grind my joints down for just being a guy that sweeps fucking floors.

2) My wife has no way of getting home from work while I have the car, forced to take Uber every night. That adds up and it’s bad enough we don’t have extra money. No, it won’t get any better if I quit — but when a job becomes expensive to GO to work, you have to start really doing the numbers. I didn’t even include the gas and more food I’m eating.

3) She has a job-sponsored event to go to Tuesday and Wednesday where she needs the car. I entertained taking the bus but after mapping it out via my usual mass transportation app, it will take me 4 hours by multiple buses and trains to get to a job that I’ll be on my feet for the next 8-10 hours after I get there. 

Call me a lazy American all you want, but that shit isn’t worth it. Plus I have to figure out where to get the bus cards and load it up with cash I don’t have.

4) The job hinted at giving me more jobs to do outside of sweeping. Picking actual orders and what not. My feelings on that is simple: I do not want any further responsibilities that will force me to stay past a time I want to leave. Typically, people at this job have been leaving at 4, 5 or sometimes 6am. Technically, they expect me to stay until the end of the shift — as of now — sweeping the floor.

I’ve been leaving at 1am. Maybe 2am because I was done and sticking around was a waste of time. You might say: fuck it. You’re getting paid. Why not stay the extra couple of hours?

So you’re suggesting I stay on my feet for 16 hours a night? Sweeping and mopping floors. Looking busy when there is, most times, nothing to do?

I need the money. I can’t deny that.

But, as you can agree, I also need my sanity and my sleep is connected to that.

45-minute drive to and from work. At 4am, I am serving on the road exhausted. I chose to leave at 1am to give me ample time to come home, shower, eat, sleep and be well rested for the next day. It’s balanced giving them the work they need and the sleep and rest I need. Keep this also in mind, this is supposed to be a 12 hour shift Monday through Friday. Most 12-hour shift jobs I know have three off – two on days alternating weeks. These dudes working this job are doing five days straight.

Let’s also be clear: they are riding around on electric pallet jacks. Less foot time, but they do lift a lot and have other responsibilities for picking orders. None of which I want to dig into at my pay rate.

Lastly, there’s ….

5) I start classes again this coming Wednesday. I had a week off (some sort of Summer break I guess) and my next two classes are focused on my major. 
Discovering Information Technology and Information Technology and Society.

They ‘sound’ easy stuff. Not so much trouble as, say Algebra coming up after these. But with my goal to not just do well but do OUTSTANDING (fuck Environmental Science and that instructor that fucked my GPA a little), do I have the energy to do this cornball maintenance job, take a four-hour bus ride and still concentrate on what i have to do for class? 

The argument can be made that it’s only two days and I have plenty of time to catch up on all the class stuff over the weekend — possibly.

But four hours is insane.

What I might do is tell them I’m not coming in Tuesday and Wednesday. Leave it like that.

I’m getting ready to go in today. If there’s more talk of me picking orders and doing more than mopping, I’ll consider it but it’s putting one of my feet out the door. You see, I want this job to be simple since it’s already taxing on body and expenses as it is.

That said, I’m reviewing my resume/job search game. I got this one, with a few calls from others, with a particular format that worked. The IT jobs I want, but not getting, are being overlooked by that ‘honest’ resume I had help with from AIU’s career center. As mentioned, lying and cheating works, I need the time to adapt the resume that works into the IT sector. 

It can’t be all lies and cheating because I am ACTIVELY in a major IT Bachelor’s Degree program. I just got to find a place that will take on students and talk up that part of my resume. I’ve seen IT jobs at 18.00 an hour doing things I know I can do even if I wasn’t in this degree program. Might I also add, stuff I can do that the degree program hasn’t touched on yet or even plan to.

I need to make this degree talk the talk these fuckers only want to hear.

This is the American way of working: paid more, less work. Working smart.

Back to Lying

April 6th, 2018

Up until now, I have been using a fairly honest resume to look for work. This based on the tools and help I’ve received from career services. I thought this would be the way to go to get the job in IT that I’m looking for. My thinking was, I’m doing well in school and I want to have a clean slate.

The problem with that was I forgot I knew how the world worked. I’m being rejected for the simplest jobs.

Prior to this resume, I’ve lied every inch of my resume to remove bad jobs and time differences. Never had trouble getting work with my falsified resumes until I tried to go legit.

The break is over. I need a job and being honest sucks ass.

I’m fairly elaborate on my resume creation skills. Even down to alibi people/services and prop websites/emails/etc. That’s how I scored the Apple position a few years back. And never kicked out of a job for false information. It’s not like I post that I have a bachelors when I didn’t. It’s all about credible, retrievable information. Besides, I’m not white enough to say I graduated from Harvard and get away with it up to executive level. Like these guys:

http://money.cnn.com/2012/05/13/technology/yahoo-ceo-out/index.htm

http://www.businessinsider.com/successful-executives-who-have-lied-on-their-resumes-2015-7

Yeah, they get caught, but not after making six figures for a few years. I try something like that and because I’m black, they suddenly have due diligence searches to make sure. Guaranteed.

But at this low level of the hiring spectrum, I play the system I know so well.

So, set the timer. It’s Friday, April 6th. By the end of the weekend, I’ll have the things in place to send out an ‘enhanced’ resume and work this job search the way it works. I’ll have an interview, at a minimum, before April lets out. Better than what I’m getting now of three months of rejections.

You know, at one time, I thought to offer services to others to be that employment gap they’re looking for. Even receive calls to give the appropriate references. Including pay stubs.

By now, I’m sure that idea is already being done.

Applying for Work

April 3rd, 2018

Very much like sending out my book to ask for reviews, I loathe the sending out of my resume for a job. It’s selling of oneself when I hate who I am, really. Or haven’t much positive to say about myself to sell who I am. I simply don’t know how. The energy isn’t there to answer “why should you hire me?” when I can’t truly answer it.

At least with books, I basically want people to judge the work, not ‘me’. I am not my work if that makes any sense. My characters are not entirely who I am. They are smarter than I am. They have different flaws.

One problem I am having is my resume is a jumble of different jobs.

Frustrated to no end. I’m even questioning if getting a bachelor’s degree will even solve anything. I ‘sound’ like I have a game plan, but I still have a rotten work history with three years before getting my degree.

I will not work at McDonald’s. 

I gave Walmart 150% and you read the shit I put myself through. I’m not a people person so customer service is not going to work.

Bottomline: I need to win the lottery, pay all my debts, have the money to position my work in front of everybody and vanish from the public eye. Achieve a Bachelor’s Degree without concern for how I’ll pay for Law School and achieve these things leisurely. 

Cause right now, I’m nervous about my future.

I guess I have to actually play the lottery for that to happen.