December 20th 2017

If you count Monday, I’ve stayed home from Walmart three days and it’s been refreshing. Like I shed my dirty skin of that place and got back to basics.

My finals are coming back for the two classes I had this term and I got an “A” for PRES111 and I’m anticipating an “A” for ENG107. I honestly think I’ve lined myself up for another Dean’s List and I’m extremely excited about that.

You see, these are the things that matter most. Yes, I’m taking a hit in the wallet for taking these days off. But what I am gaining: perspective, is worth a million dollars. Could I have gained this peace and perspective while at work?

No. I haven’t reached that zen Buddhist level of peace under fire.

And under fire I certainly was.

Everything I do there seems unappreciated and challenged. So to come home and do what’s important to me successfully truly underscores Walmart’s loss is my gain. Time and time again, I wanted to give this place my all and upper management ego gets in the way. 

I also ‘get’ why academia is important to the soul. Something I never understood before. Passing grades and success in school is treated like a score card. Like having lots of money is a score card. People think and treat you in a way befitting what your academic/financial success tells them.

You also treat YOURSELF better.

Never mind, as I have said before, that you may be good at what you do WITHOUT a degree. The professional acknowledgement of your skills is better than acknowledging to yourself alone. It doesn’t even help with the self-esteem.

Getting honors at school sets the record in your own spirit that you do know what the fuck you are doing—if at least in academia—so the flaws or conflicts you have in other things don’t come off so harshly. 

I swore I was doing a good job at Walmart as a department manager. Upper management makes me feel I am not doing a good job. Self-confidence I’m building academically is telling me I can challenge their assessment whereas before, when nothing else was working out in life for me, my confidence level was lower than dirt.

Walmart is just a fucking job and I need to treat it as such.

What I do need to do is roll over that confidence to other things: writing, law school, another job.

These past few days have bolstered my energy levels and reminded me I’m better than Walmart and it’s management. Well, let me rephrase. Not ‘better’, but just on a different path that conflicts with Walmart’s ego culture.

I believe I’ll be walking into Walmart tomorrow to get written up (Coached) for leaving Monday. Like I said, I did tell a supervisor but they’ll try to weave that into a ‘thing’. I’m prepared to go there without worrying about it.

Might even do some overtime to get more money out of that place. I’m on winter break with my studies. All is moving smoothly.

OH! I never mentioned, a week or so ago, I got an email from the Southern Poverty Law Center and it’s volunteer department. The idea was to volunteer with the group so I can get closer to the workings of practicing law. Make a connections.

So yes, of course, I never responded back. That’s my to do right after I post this. I have to fight this anti-social thing. It’s practically a ‘vice’.

Update:

I had a chance to speak to my cousin. He’s a cool source of inspiration. We spoke about the possibility of me changing majors. He thought a criminal justice could only go so far. I’ve been feeling that as well. It’s mostly for a glorified security guards.

Not far from the same work is something of interest to me: 
Bachelor of Science in Information Technology degree with a specialization in Digital Investigations.

Still investigations but focused on IT, which is a more in demand field each passing year. This way, before and during law school, this degree would do something more for me than criminal justice.