December 29th 2017

On December 28th, 2017, I went into work to find out that they terminated me. 

No warnings. No conversations. 

Just released. 

First, I have to say, I will never work for Walmart again. Ever. Under no circumstances or dire needs. Ever.

I want to say the same about any retail, but we shall see.

The reason: Attendance. I called out three times since July, but the reality is this management and I have crossed swords too many times, so I had no safety net.

On one hand, it’s the same old story for me. Gotta look for another job. The tired, endless rejections and begging to work somewhere. It’s exhausting and belittling.

On the other hand, I’m free.

I hated this place. I hated the customers that frequented that place. I hated the management for not letting me ‘manage’ my department. I dreaded every time I went into work and weaved every chance I could to work a schedule that did not include seeing anyone. It’s all documented in this journal my disgust for this company. Nothing new.

So what now?

School is doing well, but it was independent of working. What job I have (or don’t have) doesn’t affect my achievement at school. It’s all covered by financial aid. Regarding the process to change degree programs, it will occur after this current term (around late January). 

The loss of the job is heavy though: a regular paycheck, medical insurance (again), child support payments, discounts. That sort of thing.

I’m content with the loss of Walmart, but maybe not how it went down and knowing I tried to offer much more than what they let me do.

My kids are here with me for the holidays. They go back next week around the second or third of January. I received my second to last paycheck. The last one will be for about a day or two.

Sigh.

The next job I want needs to be in harmony with my career choice.

But even that is imbalanced. Criminal justice? Information Technology? Lawyer? Right at this moment, I am feeling I don’t have direction when I thought I did. Walmart should not have been the catalyst to my direction. It wasn’t. It was just a paycheck.

Truth is, I feel a little lost at the moment. I think it will pass. Like this annoying cough I have had for a few weeks now. Odd how it started clearing up the moment I was let go from the job.

So what now?

I can’t spend my days mad. The kids are here. Let’s regroup and consider options after I take them home. Right now, brooding with them here won’t make things good.

I will say this: I think I’m getting sick and tired of my eldest daughter (16) coming to see me. She’s constantly in this angry, silent teen thing and, since I don’t suffer anyone, there is conflict from time to time. I find I conflict mostly with women anyway. Like women have this idea that they can say, do and give shit … and as a man, I’m supposed to ‘take it’ without saying anything. 

Oh, no. I do say something, which seems to keep women at arms length from me. I’ve noticed that. Calling a spade a spade is necessary to prevent being a punk bitch. Everyone is always looking to make someone a punk bitch. But my daughter … she’s not within my influence. Not like my youngest daughter, from a different marriage. I see her often because she lives closer. I have equal amount of influence on her personality. She might not come out as surly as the eldest.

I hate that. Most of all, I hate her mother. Fucking whore. She drove the wedge between my daughter and I. Long, long story …but it helped me understand I know how to find missing persons when I went searching for them.

I’m angry right now. It will pass. I’ll try not to think of Walmart, old relationship dramas and wallow in unemployment sorrow AT LEAST till the kids go home. 

For not even that long. Pity party quick and just find another job.