June 16th, 2018

Yesterday, I helped someone who’s car battery was dead. I had the wires to help jump his car and I was happy to do it. I’m often available to help people, oddly enough. As much as I can’t stand people, I haven’t turned from someone in need. It’s “working with” people that sucks ass.

But my misanthropic views of asshole people isn’t the topic of the day. I thought I would record something I always knew about life and where we stood in it. Some of these thoughts are clear in the progress of this entire journal: our life’s purpose and the things we WANT and LOVE aren’t always the things we are MEANT to DO and BE. I love writing and filmmaking. I struggled to be a writer and filmmaker. I hate the educational system and law. All of that is flowing easily for me. Almost serendipitously. Therefore, I am a round peg fit into a round slot that I have mentally and physically fought for years against. Film and writing was the wrong slot, though I still want it.

You’ve heard me comment on this throughout the journal and nothing has changed to prove me wrong. You can keep doing what you love, and if you are being hammered at every turn to make it work, and still keep hammering and nothing is working — people tend to keep saying “keep trying. Never give up”, while nothing still seems to make it work —- thats a problem.

Then, of course, you have people who fit perfectly: they love what they do, it all comes easy, and opportunities flow into their lap without any effort even though it will be said they “worked hard”. No, the man fighting uphill to get his dreams is working hard. Against the grain of what he or she was slotted for and still not winning. 

In a nutshell: there is a purpose for the life you have. Something you are supposed to do and be — do those things and universal order will put it in your path to make sure you obtain it. Guaranteed.

Now, added to that is WHERE you are supposed to be. This totally goes against my rejection of people, but I’ve come to this conclusion before each time I help someone. It’s a mindbending examination of what you’re supposed to be doing, where you are supposed to be and time.

An example: You wake up, get ready for work, eat breakfast, drive to work, get into the office, sit, do whatever work you’re supposed to do, get up to go to lunch, cross the street to the cafe, sit at the cafe, eat your food, throw out your garbage, hold the door for someone on your way out, cross the street to go to work and a car smashes into the front of your building jumping the curve, hitting three people. In your mind, anyone of those people could have been you if you did any one of these things:

• Woke up earlier.
• Ate breakfast earlier.
• Got to work earlier
• Ate lunch earlier
• Crossed the street earlier

You avoided getting killed because of a set sequence of time that you had no control of. Sped up your steps at any time could have connected that accident with you. 

So, you’re saying I’m crazy and it’s a random event and you’re just blessed to not have been in that accident.

I ask you this: so, the people that got killed “weren’t blessed?”

I’m ‘enough’ of a Christian to believe in blessings, but I also like to tear down the logic of things. The example above has multiple timing events that go without saying:

The driver that hit the people could have been a senior that lost control of the car. What was his schedule and life’s events that led up to this? How many warnings was he or she given that could have prevented this? How many warnings did he or she ignore?

The people that got hit also had schedules of time they were on. Individual things that slowed down or sped up where they had to or wanted to be.

With all those factors at play, we just throw our hands up to call things random because we don’t want to think it through. What? Am I saying we can foresee our future to avoid tragedy?

No. Not at all.

But, we all have a voice that speaks to us. Some stronger than others, that aligns us with the path we should be going. Take a drug user. He wakes up and needs to go see a drug pusher for his daily fix. I am certain, there is a voice speaking to him in his consciousness that is telling him — or making him feel — “I shouldn’t go out this day” (if not anymore). The free will of us and desire to get that ‘drug’ overpowers that voice and he goes to the drug den where he gets shot and killed. He wasn’t supposed to be there. He could have avoided it.

My example above would have to assume each person had a voice they listened to, but suffice to say, they didn’t listen to except for the main person in the example. 

Aside from hunger, the voice in the example could have been the person waking up and getting out of bed on time — urging him to get going and not be late. For no other reason than to be diligent as opposed to other days where he or she is slacking — dragging to get to work. Today, he or she is urged to keep it moving. At work, do his or her job and the urge to eat ‘at this time’. Not later. Not earlier. Right now. Don’t stop, keep moving to the next thing. Eat, throw out your garbage. Don’t hurry. Don’t waste time. Cross the street… and he/she misses the accident.

For the others that did get hit: their voices could have urged them to keep a schedule and they denied it. They dragged their heels. They hurried when they should have slowed down. They all caught up with a time and a place that connected with a senior citizen that was told by others and his/her own conscience to stop driving because you’re too old. The senior citizen ignored it and thus consequences.

Do I believe we are slotted to die, as in, those three people were MEANT to die at that place in that fashion? That appointed time, those three were to be where they had to be so they can get hit by a car? Here’s where logic continues to play itself out by asking another question:

Are we born just to die violently?

I don’t think so.

Could we be born to die by cancer or any of the millions of diseases? Like a baby born today and dies a month later from something out of our control?

It happens and ‘why’ is a hard answer to reach. So we back up time again: were the parents SUPPOSED to have children? Were there voices at play that said ‘we shouldn’t”. Were there countless attempts to have a child, and it never happened — then they kept trying and finally had one — then later that child dies (disease, accident, any age)? Looking at life that closely makes you start questioning was the child SUPPOSED to exist in the first place.

Something you can’t answer. But based on my theories, if there is a struggle to have a child and you have one, then the child dies at some point early— based on my theory, there is no foundation that supports the existence of the child. No plotted ground for them to really keep moving forward. They live, do things they think they want to do or be, and then, out of step for a universally planned future to be someone, do something or connect with others — they die young, or die old unfulfilled.

Then you have people that give birth to a child out of wedlock, or by rape — then they go on to be world leaders or scientists. By choice or slotted by life to ‘be’?

Going back to this guy I helped: I had a good feeling to get out of the house, go to the store for my wife and was hungry right at that time. With a few choices to make, I felt I should go to the Waffle House, park the car with intentions of ordering my food, crossing the street and going to the store for my wife.

As I parked the car at Waffle House, I met a young kid that needed his battery jumped.

He must have been out there for a little bit. No one was able (or wanted to) help him. But I happened to have my charger cables and helped him out.

A lot of events led up to me having the charger cables in the car — that could conceivably lead up to this day to help this young man onto whatever purpose he had. But that’s a long and extra trip. Suffice to say, I had battery issues with this car for the longest and swore never to drive without cables again.

But today, I was up, out of the house and had to be somewhere — comfortably. Not a rush. Just instinctively had to keep it moving and that’s when I came to help this young man. Any other day, I would NEVER be at the Waffle House.

Coincidence? Random meeting? It’s easier on our brains to think that.

And to just sum it up as “I was supposed to be there” isn’t enough either.

The connectivity to the consciousness we hear — that little voice — the urges we get to adjust to time and space to be ‘where we are supposed to be’ cumulates depending on what we ignore, who we are and what we are doing. I think it even extends to what we are supposed to or not supposed to eat as well.

I know, it’s a lot of thinking this morning. But If I’m right, I don’t really think the term “it was his time to go” is how this thing called life and death works. I’m beginning to believe we have the ability to live a very long time — provided we listen to how to live. From my example above, it wasn’t that it was their time to die in that accident, it’s more like “they did not have to be involved in that accident if they listened to —-” what? A bio-alarm system? A bio-time adjustment recommendation?

Or were they part of the born pointlessly and could die any day theory? No, that sounds too cruel.

Way too many variables so I have to stick with the guarantees: we have a voice/feeling that adjusts us to where we should be in time and space should we choose to listen to it. Helps us adjust to WHO and WHAT we should be in life as well. I rejected that voice on my desire to be a filmmaker when I got hints of law through many aspects of my life. Not just now. I listened to that urging to get out of the house yesterday and was there for that young man.

It’s just a matter of working that conscience muscle further.