As much as I complained earlier about how much I do not like people, I worked ‘people’ to my advantage to get into the next level of my employment journey.
Essentially, glad-handing, introducing myself to the other assistant managers around the building (the more receptive ones, anyway), meeting with the known influential associates that knew how things worked in the building. I kept hammering that I wanted more. And so I got it.
Department manager of Sporting Goods and Toys is going to be troublesome as we move into Christmas season. The thing is, well, let me give you an example of the way people think around here down south:
Yesterday, I was in whats called a ‘Claims’ area. It’s a cage in the backroom where one or two people scan and ship major things out from the store that may have broke. They also print reports for all the departments. I say it’s a cage because it’s literally a steel lock up that is locked when they go home. Management has access if people need to get in.
So, I was there to get some reports on my forthcoming departments; to study up on what needs to be fixed. I noticed there was a big cart of ammo (i.e., bullets) sitting in the cage with her. She said it belongs to my department and they need to get out of there.
I offered to make sure they get where they need to be later today. I don’t officially get into my department until Saturday but, my thinking was to take care of the issue now before my work REALLY begins.
The woman that ran claims was like, “Just leave it. You’ll have a lot to worry about when you start. Somebody will take care of it.”
Considering that there is no department manager in there until Saturday, aren’t ‘I’ the only one whose going to take care of it?
You see, much of the associates/managers in the store are a bunch of Georgia Sweet Tea motherfuckers that like to take it easy and get things done ‘eventually’…later … in due time. While they chatter on about the Falcons or some shit.
What I’m going to do is talk to security and see what they’re process is for the ammo to be moved later today. I won’t let it sit in that cage another day.
My point of bringing up the cage and the ammo is, what others here think is going to be hard, if I don’t let anything slip and bullshit like these guys do, I’ll do wonders at an easy pace as long as I tend to situations immediately, if I can.
I already came up with an action plan to give to my immediate manager later this week.
Regarding AIU, I was given a grade for an assignment (an ‘A’ but at a 94%) and I contested it and got it raised to a 98% (I had some other error that couldn’t deny). Still 4.0
It seems, regardless of my previous mood, the plan of action at Walmart was a success. Today, I was offered the job of Department Manager of Toys and Sporting Goods and I accepted.
Everything is moving according to the proposed strategy I laid out at the top of this journal. What I need to remember, constantly, is to “stick to the plan”.
This with an ongoing 4.0 GPA.
This is a good day. This is a great series of events toward my reinvention.
The money is better than being a regular associate plus I already know the job from previous experience. It’s just $15.00/hr but I know the overtime will kick it up a bunch.
Now, I’m back in command and can own a department(s). All the while, maintaining a solid grade average at AIU. Walmart may even offset some of the university bill.
And don’t forget full benefits! I can get my kids enrolled immediately. I’m doing my job for them as I always wanted. These back to back successes; staying on track, make me feel happy.
Not bad for two months. I started July 20th. It’s September 16th.
Next stop: Assistant Manager. With the kind of money I can get Donna and I out of this apartment.
What’s the difference between a roach and a human?
Ans: Nothing.
Working at Walmart is killing any shred of “good will to all men” I might have had.
It’s clear, without a shadow of a doubt, the quality of customer that shops at an average Walmart is less than human especially during a potential (now a category 1…way in Florida). Barely a tropical storm when it reaches us. So, what do they do? Become this scavenger horde, buying everything off the shelves and demanding why there isn’t anything.
Because your fellow Walmart shoppers at idiots.
Then you have plenty of fools gathering full shopping carts of things and leaving them. Go back a journal entry and, I promise you, that meat, milk and other perishable products you left there for hours will be waiting for your roach-ass when you get back: front row center.
I also remember saying I wouldn’t complain about Walmart.
The situation is, my collegiate efforts are untroubled. Still nursing a 4.0 GPA….surprisingly. Attendance is perfect. I’m early with assignments.
So, with ‘work’, my efforts to climb the ladder are stalled by common Southern slowness. I don’t remember, in New York, any process to advance being so fucking slow. They have empty slots for department managers and support managers, they’ll eventually get around to interviewing people for these positions but they are still unfilled.
What happens will be, if you eventually get the position(s), you have weeks of work undone. Oh, and don’t forget, there is no overtime allowed. Fuckers.
It used to be, my educational efforts would be drowning, but my labor efforts were sound. The reverse is refreshing, allowing me to have a better perspective: I’m at Walmart for the cash and the cash only.
Still, getting the cash is like begging a bitch for some ass. Slow and round and round to get to an eventual inevitable end that we all know I’m going to get.
You would think that perspective would calm me; stopping being so angry at people around me. If you would just immerse yourself in the world that I see: fat, annoying people always ALWAYS with a phone attached to their ears. Always talking ‘at’ me, expecting me to think they are talking ‘to’ me. Roaches that drop food in t e wrong places and thieves.
The best part of my day is watching these idiots come into the store, eating the grapes and cherries. Grazing they call it. Since I’ve seen little kids with their snot noses, people sneezing and coughing reaching into the bags. Dropping the grapes on the floor and putting them back in the back — it’s been great watching these fuckers likely get Salmonella, E. coli (Escherichia coli). …Listeria. …Campylobacter. …Staphylococcus aureus. …Shigella. …Hepatitis A or
Noroviruses. Warning them, as I have, doesn’t help. They always say the same thing: I need to know if it’s sweet.
By tasting ONE grape, they are actually getting any of the above viruses. The only thing sweet happening is personal satisfaction for me that they’ll get sick. Especially the old folks. They don’t listen for shit.
The break at AIU is over and I couldn’t be more elated. Downtime sucks. Not that I wasn’t busy on other things. I think the issue is something I mentioned a few posts back: the ordered path to success keeps me focused and happy. Allowed to figure out my own path creates uncertainty and, apparently, despair.
For instance, I literally felt my mood shift overnight lat last week. I was in sort of of “waking dream” — that moment between waking up and you’re still dreaming. I laid there feeling my optimism about people, things and what I was doing drain off. I remember saying to myself “Oh no! Not now! Not while everything was going so good.” I woke up and felt my usual ‘off’. That feeling that required I take some sort of Lexipro to reduce the anxiety.
The thing is, this was the first time I identified, clearly, when I had a severe mood shift. I’ve always felt I had little control of that changing of mood. One can argue that I have control of ‘fixing’ that downward spiral. On that, I agree with some of it. The effort is A LOT, though.
As a result, my hate for people all this week knew no bounds.
Especially at Walmart.
All customers annoyed the fuck out of me. Ever notice those fat ass people on the electric carts; rolling around with their asses bleeding over the seat like uncontrollable dough? If I were to ever get that fat, stuck in a fucking electric cart, carting behind a line of other fat folks…it would be permissible to kill me in the parking lot before I get my fat ass out of the car.
The other day, one of these fat asses rolled up to me, minus any pleasantries (cause you know, their fat, so their evil) and she wanted some sort of jello.
In my mind, I was like: “You fat fuck. It’s too late.”
The reality was, we didn’t carry what she was looking for in Produce. But she insisted that it used to be in the location she was pointing at — which of course did not carry ANYTHING remotely close to what she wanted.
Again, my mind was like: “You fat fuck.”
She rolls away, and 10 minutes later, she’s rolling back with another associate who came to ask me the same thing. She’s like “He don’t know.”
I was like: “You fat fuck!”
But what I said was: “It’s not that I don’t know. It’s more like your asking for jello in the produce department and looking for it on a shelf where there’s Guacamole and no fruit jello would ever be.”
So the fat fuck rolled off. In my mind, while I was contemplating the weight capacity of the cart she was on; feeling sorry for the cart— I’m like: “If you weren’t so fucking fat, you’d probably find what your looking for under your lard, you pig shit fuck.”
I think the problem at most retail stores is the lack of education we provide to the customer. The lazy bitches drop anything they want anywhere: grapes in electronics. Toys in grocery. I’ve witnessed these idiots just shove anything they weren’t buying anywhere. Packaged meat in clothing. So, fuck you if we return warm ass meat back on the shelves and you get some sort of disease.
I’ve seen milk sitting on shelves away from the fridge and sooner or later it just gets placed back in the fridge going from hot to cold. I get on my own wife when she does that shit. Mostly cause I know, in all retail worldwide, returns (or the stuff customers drop where ever they fucking please) could have been out for hours.
The better strategy when shopping would be to take all foods from the BACK. Not only are the expiration dates later but chances are that front facing cold milk was on the sales floor in electronics all night by a dumb fuck customer and their fucking kids.
Additionally, I’ve noticed just how many people are stuck to their phones. Mostly women (men wear head sets and they don’t look any less the asshole). One thing I can’t stand is listening to other peoples conversations.
Women are the most vile offenders. Talking very loud in a conversation. In some cases, talking loud on speakerphone. Why THE FUCK do I have to listen to your fucking bodily issues and what medicine your taking? Or why you’re leaving your boyfriend? Or what other bitch is talking about you?
It’s an “I don’t give a fuck” era. People don’t give a fuck that they’re obese. They don’t give a fuck that they are broadcasting their shit to everyone in hearing range. They don’t give a fuck about not paying attention to their fucking kids while constantly being on the phone 24/7/365.
Sigh.
On another, yet similar, note: my moves at Walmart are working.
I think I’ll have a department or supervising something soon. I can continue to hate every customer that walks in as long as the overall job is done. No worries about that because my personal plans are bigger than the fat fucks on the carts that, also, talk shit on their phones while bumping into shit. That’s the comedy of it all.
Fuck ‘em. The success I’m looking for is to get above this level of shit I mentioned earlier. The customer scum quality that comes to this store. The employee assholes that work there.
That dumbfuck Jessica, I mentioned way earlier; the one I had issues with, is still a problem but more on a personal level. I don’t talk to her if I don’t have to and she cuts her eyes at me for no reason.
If this journal is all about venting a feeling or two: I wish her lifelong employment at Walmart doing nothing but the same shit she’s dong now. Which sums up to be about nothing.
Another thing going on: Hurricane Irma. With any luck, it will wipe out the filth of Florida. The problem is: it will affect South Georgia where my kids are.
How do I get my kids and find a way to say their mother she can’t come with us?
Save the religious christian love your neighbor shit. I would love for the bitch to drown on national TV while my kids are safe with me. “Daddy! Mommy died in the hurricane.” “That’s great dear! Let’s celebrate. Nothing a few therapy sessions won’t solve for you and your brother. As for me? I plan to party.”
I’m monitoring the weather and thinking of asking to get them Friday. Truth be told, I hear it might die down to a category 1 by the time it reaches this far in.
Let the bitch figure her own way out of it. If I were to get them and she did get swept away — do you even understand the positive end of that lottery win?
Most of the time, if I’m not working or studying, my wife and I are home watching TV: movies I collected, catching up with current episodes of shows or Netflix. Essentially, just lying about.
It used to be an accepted pastime. What’s happening is I’m uncomfortable sitting around doing nothing. I feel like the more I sit and just watch TV, there more time I am letting slip away from me.
It’s a strange feeling because it doesn’t have much to do with “If I don’t do something, I’ll go crazy”. It’s more dire than that. It’s a foreboding, mood like sensation. As if to ‘feel’ like, “If I don’t do something, I’m letting my time run out.”
Let’s be clear: other than my diabetes type II, which I’m taking pills for and feel genuinely fine … and a current issue with my leg that I’m going to see a doctor about in a few days … I’m in great health. No issues to worry about. The leg thing? That’s likely about a ‘lack of support’ thing when I worked at Pactiv (which is where it started) without proper time to heal. I’m still on my feet a lot. I probably need some better shoes/cushions.
Last night I sent requests to join the following: Elks lodge, Toastmasters, Lions Club and Habitat for Humanity.
Why? Well, the Toastmasters is self evident. I need to be able to speak to people efficiently; with class and poise. I’m not confident of where I am at with my writing these days. Toastmasters will get me back in line to a standard that will help in a law career. Plus, it’s a start in being ‘social’ outside of online. Neither of which I’m very social. Even at work, I barely talk to anyone if I don’t have to.
Elks and Lions. Man clubs that I can’t grasp ‘why’ I would need them except that it’s a networking thing. If you go to their websites, they give long winded reasons of the things they do for communities. I’m 48 years old and have yet to have heard of anything of value that either organization has done except as a place for their loyal order of water-buffaloes to hang their hats and conduct secret handshakes.
HOWEVER, being a member of ‘anything’ has privileges and if I want to be an efficient lawyer, I should be a member of ‘things’. You fill out a request form and they send it to your local chapter of whichever club. They ask: ‘why do you want to join’ and I really don’t have a fucking clue. Part of that is my lack of social skills. If there was a room of two people, why would I want to be the third person in that room? I don’t want to know either of the people. I don’t want to talk about myself. I don’t need them.
HOWEVER, I have to play the game. A game I opened myself up to the moment I decided I would be a lawyer. It has nothing to do about ‘people’ as you would think. It’s about the ‘law’. I can easily not be emotional about the law.
Moving from one rank to another IS about people.
Take my place at Walmart, even as we speak. I am constantly getting my face and name in front of people in order to get from one pay grade to another. If I don’t speak up and talk to people, I could easily be forgotten in the produce section. I think of that every time I listen to people telling me about their 17, 25, 30 years at Walmart. Or Pactiv for that matter. 30 years at the factory. Sounds like a death sentence.
So, my reasons for joining a lodge is to ‘be seen’ and recognized for an unknown, unspecified social advancement. Period.
Yeah, I also deleted all of my ‘I hate Donald Trump’ rants on twitter to clean up my act. Facebook is a little difficult but I did purge about three years since 2008 of ‘questionable’ status stuff.
Habitat for Humanity is about offering up my time and body for a good cause. Part of that is willing volunteer. Another part is, again, something to put on paper to say I’ve done it and get social points when they see it on my resume.
Calling it what it is, I have to look good when I apply for law school or jobs just after the Bachelor’s Degree and after the law degree. Right now, my overall resume looks a mess; filled with variant jobs. Nothing that shows consistent leadership.
Yet.
The new resume I am building will strip all past jobs and focus on Walmart exclusively — incorporating my previous management and forthcoming management experience. It will also include my ties to Habitat for Humanities, Toastmasters and one of the service lodges. All I need to do is add the Bachelor’s in Criminal Justice. See? Just this paragraph alone sounds like I am a man of distinction. That’s the goal when joining these man-clubs and take up physical space.
I don’t want to be there but I ‘have’ to for advancement. Also, being part of these things might help shake that ‘I’m wasting time’ feeling.
Welp, my next two classes begin this week. I exit UNIV103 with an ‘A’; with intentions to gain the same in the forthcoming courses. I’m ready and focused.
I think I need to mention while it’s on my mind that I hate living in an apartment. I had a home for a little bit (previous marriage). In the end, I would still want the home and subtract that marriage. Whenever I go to pick up my daughter for the weekend, I miss the old neighborhood and the home itself — then I get to talking to the ex-wife and realize I’m still better off now.
The core problem I’m discovering these days: I am better in control of all things. If I am not controlling situations, things fail. My ex was infinitely controlling of her time, finances and ideology; intending to bleed them into my life as well as be her ongoing babysitter to her daughter (from a previous relationship). I sloppily fought for my on version of the marriage and it failed. It goes to show my ‘team work’ methods are shitty. All I see is one person calling it teamwork when it’s really their values, their ideas, their concepts, their way of living or I’m not a team player.
I’ll have a home again. It’s inevitable.
Meanwhile, the path to get a home is still on track: academically improving. I can’t and won’t include Walmart in that scheme of things. Considering the highly political atmosphere of people forcing you to depend on their ‘yay’ or ‘nay’ for advancement … or should I say “be a team player by their point of view”, the outlook of me getting to assistant manager is decaying daily.
I’m not giving up. Sometimes, like today, it’s just weary to go into a job where I have to play the chess game toward success. My resume and previous experience should have given me more than I have. I resent that a bit. My choice though to come in as an hourly; to get inside. Now that I’m inside, it’s what I had to do to get more; do more. If I were white, this wouldn’t be a topic of discussion.
A few things to note for today: A) There is an eclipse today. Should be able to see it around 1pm to 5pm. B) The reason I brought up apartments was because I wanted to get on the treadmill but couldnt because the doors were locked. I want my own home so I can workout on my schedule not the schedule of a place I’m paying $1000 a month.
There’s also a ‘C’. I’m working on something I can’t share here. A side project, but worthy one. Kind of in harmony with my eventual law career. From a different perspective. I’m just mentioning it as a time stamp. If I stay on course as I am with college, it’ll be fully functional by next summer.
That’s what everything lately: not about the apartment I’m living at. Not about my previously failed marriages. Not about Walmart. I’m redesigning what comes next and not looking to dependent on other things for my success.
You know, I’m feeling good. Genuinely ‘happy’. To think: If I stayed in school the first time around, and understood what I know now in my 40′s, I could have been happy earlier on.
But that’s the thing with life. Sort of a reversal of traits. Kids back in my school days that were doing great in school; becoming valedictorians and going off to college did not ‘live life’ as I had. Now in their 40′s are asking where life went.
I, however, know where life went — been there done that — and now looking to scoop up where my education went; scoring big A’s thus far in the process. By my early 50′s I’ll be so fucking well-centered it’s crazy. (Smile).
Here’s something I figured out recently.
Coming up through life, I thought my writing would save me. Write a few books, sell scripts, maybe even direct a few films. Done. Life sealed and accomplished. As you know, it didn’t work out that way.
I had to rely on whatever job I worked at to pay bills and latch onto it as some sort of ‘meaning of life’ — my purpose — since the original purpose wasn’t working out. I tended to do well at any job I was at provided I didn’t get depressed about my failed writing career. And I did. I would end up losing the job. On and on.
You see, ‘writing’ is who I am but it wasn’t paying my enormous debt. It’s hard to love your passion with overwhelming responsibilities on your shoulders. So, its back to work all the time. An endless circle.
The problem was: writing, being an author or any artist, especially self-taught, was a talent with no definable, concrete future. The goals were set and wanted, but depended on too many loose variables: money, talent, audience.
Going to school and getting a degree, backed with financial aid, creates a solid specific goal, timeline, measurable path that is time-tested defined. Even if you have learning disabilities, there’s a class for that. Get your degree/diploma, get into the industry of your choice.
Of course, it’s never that easy. Many other variables to consider BUT, generally speaking, that’s how a person with an engineering degree gets to work for a consulting firm without using an ounce of engineering making 6-figures (true example).
And someone like me without a degree, but a talent for storytelling, makes nothing.
Well, I’m at Walmart now and it came to me that I am successfully portioning out my quality of work this time around. The idea was, since I had no other successful career (i.e., being an author), I use to put all the eggs into the basket of whatever job I’m at. Giving the job my all and feeling hurt when the job didn’t pan out, or depressed that I’m at a job I didn’t want to be at.
Since going back to school, there’s this positive disconnection I’m feeling. Still giving my all, but I know it’s temporary since the true goal is working (i.e., Lawyer). In the past, and a little even now, I would be thinking of ways to make the job better. Be a frequent visitor of the job, even if I was on my day off. A genuine interest in perfecting the job. There’s a guy at my job even as I speak. He was on disability for awhile — hurting himself or something. He would show up to the job every other day just to commune with his friends at the job and talk about the job. Personally, I thought he was in the way.
Down the line, you realize places like Walmart don’t really give a damn how much care you put into it —- then the feeling of having nothing sets in. Like being cheated on in a relationship.
What I’m feeling now is spectacularly easy.
Walmart will never give me the level of money/achievement I want. Mostly because, even in the store I’m in now, the politics and characters working there are backstabbing idiots.
The longer I work there, the more I realize it’s a game of ‘survivor’.
I will continue to keep my momentum to get as much money and title as possible. The difference is, I have no depressive feelings about a lost passionate writing career to fall back on when I leave Walmart and WHEN Walmart screws me over. I know I will achieve this Bachelor’s Degree and, at minimum, leave Walmart for a better job based on that alone.
Honestly, ‘Walmart’ isn’t in the business of screwing employees. The inner management and employees themselves are part of that mosh pit. We have a new store manager and co-manager. I’m already feeling the lack of confidence that anything will get successfully accomplished with them nor will anyone achieve advancement. I’m actually considering leaving this store if I plan to be department manager anytime soon. That’s another story.
The point is: I’m at ease giving Walmart 100% while I’m there, and 100% to my educational goals. Walmart provides the paycheck. The education, clearly defined, will provide the future that my writing failed to do — allowing me be happy when I walk through the doors of Walmart when I start my day. I know, this is temporary.
I hate to call what I’m doing at Walmart a ‘career’. Each time I think of it, I cringe. But what about my writing? An age-old question. Right now, I’m putting an image of a certain amount of money I want saved in my head. A target goal. I didn’t write down what that amount was yet. I foresee, though, I will likely achieve whatever it is by simply ignoring my passion for awhile.
With Walmart …
Today, I confronted the regional manager for my department and told him I’m interested in doing more. We went over my prior history (Department manager to assistant) and he said, if he knew about my experience, I would have went straight to department manager instead of an associate.
So, he asked me to text him my info, which I did. In all this, read: one more leap frogging motion in the great chess game of more money. If this man is true to his word, I might be a department manager in a month or so. Knowing that he’s too busy and will forget, I’ll revisit this later when I see him again.
At this point, I’d be happy with any department. The point is to prove my skills to move onto the assistant manager position. After that, the more money move forward whatever it may be.
The plan in Walmart is not to sit still. I can’t make the mistake others made of continued rising without any substance, though. I’ll need to master where ever I’m at, for the time I’m there, then keep moving.
An example of poor movement:
At Walmart, there is a woman I work with that is the chief know-it-all of the department. She’s aware of all the little details and quick to tell you what you’re doing wrong. She’s a pest in many ways. You can always see her watching what you’re doing out the corner of your eyes.
She’s been with the company long enough. Not sure how long. I’ve concluded today that she’s of the ‘smartest person in the room’ syndrome. You know that kind of person who knows all the answers of Jeopardy …. sitting in the bar answering the questions.
A person like that will NEVER leave the bar.
Why should they? They are always called upon to answer questions. Always needed and smarter than the rest of the drunks. Ask that person to go be a rocket scientist and they won’t. Why leave the comfort of being the smartest person in the room? Even if the room is a bar and they will go no higher.
That’s exactly this chick.
I think of her when I’m looking at being a department manager sooner than later.
I think of her when I start feeling bad that maybe she should be a department manager before me.
I have to think of that girl when I become a department manager and I beat out others who should have gotten the position. It’s not about anyone but my own directive. Sucks for them if they didn’t run up on the regional and show initiative.
I want more.
With School …
It’s going to really start in another week. What I’ve been doing now is more of advanced orientation. I’m still doing well, regardless. I want to keep a successful trend of “A’s” in every class. I want a 4.0+ GPA.
I want more.
That said, the magic number is 48 million dollars. What is that number? Where does it come from?
48 is my current age.
48 is the age of this man that is a comic book writer. His name is Mark Millar (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Millar) who created so many stories that his work is made out of a number of successful movies. He’s living the life I wanted.
48 million is the number I will maintain in my head as the magic number to say I can retire.
The amount of money that I will collect from my work at Walmart, as a Lawyer, and as an Author. Plus other things, like Inventor.
Yes, author. It’s not gone; just paused.
It may come across as fantasy such a high figure.
But …
Look how far I came from Pactiv (that factory) at less money in less than six months. I am positive that my ambitions respond to me better outside of my passion to be an author. The problems often OFTEN come when I double back to say “I’m an author” and the white-collar jobs then fall apart. This time around, I am staying on path.
I can’t say being an author was a failure. It did well enough considering I had so little to market myself. The failure in it comes when I had to depend on others to get me noticed (i.e., literary agent).
In this career path (going back to school, Walmart, Lawyer, etc), I depend on myself but the money is commensurate with the effort unlike self-publishing without money to do it.
On this career path, I am successful and I expect to be paid incredibly well every step of the way. In fact, I demand it. Everywhere I go: Walmart to Lawyer —- no one has a choice BUT to pay me very, very well.
Until then, along the way, I’m paying off all old debt and saving money. My credit score is even rising.
I JUST said I wasn’t going to complain about Walmart. So what am I about to do? Complain about Walmart.
Well, not really about ‘Walmart’ but the people I work with. Typically, I am a hard-worker. I may find time to coast a little, but my coasting is still degrees higher in getting the job done than the average worker’s base-work.
Dude I work with does absolutely nothing but sit on the phone, walk around the store while on his phone, does a little work to keep up appearances and goes back to texting or talking on his phone.
Meanwhile, I’ve stocked out half my department leaving a bunch of empty boxes. Yesterday, I had enough and left him with those boxes to throw out.
Because I know this type of guy— the kind of guy that bitches about other people but fails to see how little he does himself — he’ll be saying shit behind my back as he does with everyone else. How can I leave all those boxes for him to do? From my point of view: easily. You don’t do shit, so I left you something to do.
Today, in hindsight, that kind of abrasive ‘i’m going to fuck you over for fucking me’ isn’t part of the plan. Now I’m in a position to complain that he doesn’t do shit after he complains I didn’t empty boxes. Back and forth and petty shit.
It’s not part of the plan to dance with petty shit.
Not with petty small people.
Not to become small and petty because of them. I’ll end up hurting myself because, in this environment, it’s not what they see you did that was good, but what you didn’t do. Ultimately, they won’t see that the man who created all the empty boxes in the first place was the man doing all the work without the lazy fuck.
I said I wasn’t going to complain about Walmart. Technically, I didn’t.
I’m complaining about ‘people’ and this sort of scum could have been found at ANY place of employment. Including a future law office.
Also, this is my journal to vent and plan next steps. I’ll handle this sort of thing better next time.
It’s been a good couple of weeks. Nothing major to report. No news is good news.
I’ve decided against bitching about Walmart. It only leads to negative thoughts and I’ll be no better than the old ladies currently at the job — complaining ABOUT the job and the people in it — but not willing to move up and do anything about it.
I’ve taken a step toward leadership positions, taking a leadership assessment yesterday. As you know, the goal is to keep rising up in the company like I did before to pay off debt and school while going back for the degree. I expect to be an assistant manager in less than a year.
I think this time around, I’m going to go a notch higher than Assistant Manager this time around. Not necessarily store management, but something closer in the near 6-figures before Law School.
Thus far, I’m still ahead on my classwork. No issues to report and I’m happy.
It’s that feeling of being happy that I’m trying to keep active and ongoing. As a result, I’m noticing all those around me who are NOT happy. My wife is one of them. She’s someone who enjoys lying around in bed all-day and can be bitter/grumpy often. At one point, I was joining her in bed all-day — watching tv and pissed not having money to do anything. Then the decision to get out of bed, go back to school/Walmart/etc, etc…and here I am.
I did invite her to go back to school with me. Her student loans are in default like mine were. I told her she should find ways to get them out of default like I did but you know how that goes. She didn’t look enthused to do so.
I was actually hoping we would go back for our degrees together.
I hate to take an ‘oh well’ approach to my wife. I got my own stability to be concerned about. It’s going well NOW. Let’s see how things go when the classes get harder and I’m running a department or a group of departments.
Preparing for the future stress is more important than ever.
And yes, I still have my lexipro. LOL Just the damn things really upset my stomach. Maybe I need to start a regular taking of it to adapt like I did before. God, the first few weeks of that was killer and I don’t remember if it really assisted with the stability in the first place.
My bouts of depression occur randomly; maybe broken down to once a month. I know its a chemical thing. Just not sure what triggers it. Good news has been, since I started school and the job, I’ve been free and clear. There may be a connection in that. We’ll see.
myJournal 